In this chapter, Elizabeth Oregon Oklahoma
Very long distance.
While I was reading it, I didn’t want them to graduate. I didn’t want them
to separate. I felt like I was more on their side than God’s side. It seemed
unfair for two people who love each other so much would have to wait so long
and go their separate ways. Isn’t this where God comes in and says, “Congrats,
you have put my will above your own, you have sacrificed your time and your
desires for me. Now I’m going to let you be together after all of this time!”
However, that’s not what happened.
“It was a long night en route to Oklahoma Springfield ,
Kansas City, Wichita
Even then the desire to have a boyfriend, to be able to experience what a
normal high school student, with a normal boyfriend would be like, comes to
mind. It surfaces every now and then. For a while, I thought I was the only one
with the desire to stay pure and not date… but at the same time wanted to know
and wanted things to happen. I wanted my life to be like a love song, or a
Nicolas Sparks book… but it isn’t. God has his own story for me. The thing in
reading this is realizing that I’m not the only one who has these desires for
everything to be dramatic and romantic, even though they aren’t.
See at the church I go to, not many of the girls
are dating. None of them really show an interest in boys… I was starting to
wonder if there was something wrong with me. I go to public school, but don’t
have a boyfriend-odd. I go to church, but I am boy crazy with no boyfriend -odd… it just
doesn’t seem to add up. I felt like I was missing something.
I was right. I was missing that desire for God’s
will to be my will in my life, but thanks to this book and a friend of mine, I
have learned that. See about a week before I started reading this book I went
to Louisville Kentucky
Remember the whole trust thing I said I have
problems with?
Yeah, that week I let it all go and completely
trusted my two roommates, Emma and Julia. In the end, we had so much fun and I
learned more than we could ever imagine. One thing I struggled with that week was having feelings for a
boy that I knew didn’t fit my standards! I mean he could… eventually, in time
and if he changed, and Emma brought that to my attention. Thank You!
Through long girl talks at night I learned a lot
about Emma, how she is no longer is boy crazy and really doesn’t like any guys at
that specific time (until we fell in love the next day! Ahh! (Inside thing)).
To be honest I was almost jealous that she had that kind of power and control,
compared to her; I seemed to be out of control.
By the time Thursday came around, Emma’s turn to compete had come; she
competed in a category called Spoken Word. It’s a cool category; I’ll post a
link down below! While we were getting ready for her to compete, we usually
jammed to music, but I was in the mood to listen to spoken words. So I went
over to my iPod and clicked on one that I had listened to, but it never really
stuck with me, (don’t worry, I did ask Emma if it would throw her off to listen
to something other than her own). The spoken word was called “I Will Wait For
You.” It’s amazing!
So we got ready in with the spoken word droning on in the background,
closely I listened to it, “And I
will know you. Because when you speak, I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom.
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses. Your faith will remind me of
Abraham. Your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel. Your
inspiration will remind me of Paul. Your heart for God will remind me of David.
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah. Your integrity will remind me
of Joseph. And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the
disciples. But, your ability to love selfishly and unconditionally will remind
me of Christ. But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any
special Marks, because his word will be tatted all over your heart.”
At that part Emma looks at me
from across the room… “Does he fit that description?”
Emma always had reminded me of
one of my best friends Sophia… but when she asked that question, it was as if
Sophia was with me. She always asks the questions that are hard to ask… but
easy to answer.
No.
Not yet.
From
there I had my answer the hard thing was getting myself to want it. Don’t get
me wrong… I wanted to be able to let go, to have those standards set (which I
did) but my own desires were blocking it, and it was going to be hard not to
let my own human desires block God’s desire for my life.
I thought at that point my lesson
for the day had been set, don’t like him because
1.) He doesn’t fit your previously set standards
1.) He doesn’t fit your previously set standards
2.) He
doesn’t fit the standards that were added about 5 seconds ago from a spoken
word!
But I
was wrong. In being one of three teenage girls who had actually gone on the
trip, I was the one timing and listening to Emma say her spoken word
repeatedly. Every time I listened deeper and deeper into it, I got chills. In
her spoken word she talks about her natural desire for:
1.) Material things
2.) To fit in a be “popular”
3.) To find that special someone
Apparently, there was a second lesson of the day...
I had forgotten a goal set up my sophomore year.
-To not date all through High School
-To remain that pure spotless bride
Sadly, I had broken the first one, and yes, it is
something I regret, but I did learn from it, so that I will accept it.
It is a relief to know that everyone struggles in
deciphering the romantic and breathtaking fiction from from your own romantic reality, and choosing to follow God’s desires rather
than your own. When you come into contact with the choice between your own human desires and the desires God has for you and you find yourself struggling, the answer is simple. Give it all to God. All of your human desires, everything you are feeling.
-Becca
If you are still interested in spoken word, Listen to this one! It gets you thinking!
No comments:
Post a Comment