Sigh… December…
Well, December started with the plot of November still pouring over. Litterally it was that following Monday while Katie and I were walking to practice. Becca had already re-downloaded Tinder, the dating app for your smart phone, and although I advised her to take a break from men and focus on school, joining a club or getting a job.
She didn't listen to me.
Anyway here it goes:
December First: The month started off with me in my literature class, hating it. As I was on my way out the door, I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around to see this poor kid stuttering and asking me if I wanted to get coffee some time. I really wanted to say no, I'm not interested in dating, but the poor kid was stuttering, and I had promised Katie that if I was asked on a date, I would say yes. So I said yes, and gave him my number. On our way to practice that night, right when we were out of ear from the apartment, we crossed the street, passed Sill Hall and Katie brought Ethan up, "so… Ethan asked me on a date."
"What? Other Becca's Ethan? (it gets confusing) Where? When? What did you say!?"
She told me that her family said that she should work on moving on from her relationship with Tyler, and try to be happy. Date, have fun, experience new things… that was their advice. So she looked at me and asked for my advice…
Now I will admit, this was not my finest moment in my history of giving advice, but after all that Katie had been through, I thought she deserved to have fun and go out dancing. It didn't mean that it would turn into anything. In fact, I thought that her and Tyler were supposed to be together, so I didn't think that going on a date with Ethan would be bad at all. "But if Becca finds out… you will never live it down. It would crush her…" I warned her, and I told her the story about my two friends who went through something similar, they are no longer friends. The good news is that the couple is engaged! (You know who you are, congrats the two of you!)
She looked at me and said, "good, I'm glad you agree because I already accepted it."
Right then I should have put my hands to my forehead and started pounding at the mess that was being created.
December 2: I had my last day of work for the session and then Katie and I headed to Danny's for a couple of card games. The when we started to play spoons, things got out of control and "Spoon" turned to "spoons" turned to "spooning…"
The rest of the week was spent being secretive because we didn't want to hurt Becca. Besides, it wasn't my secret to tell… Katie would go into her room and close her door whenever he called, and she would put a lock on her phone and answer text messages in secret. How did Becca not know that this was happening?
As it stood with relationships:
Ethan Knopp and Becca Fuerst: Over
Katie and Tyler Debrabander: Over
Katie and Ethan Knopp: Dancing and Dinner Date
Becca Garber: Going Crazy Watching my friends love lives be a mess, wondering where mine went, and remembering that being single is a huge blessing.
Thursday, December 4th: Katie went to her interview for Glen Arbor, and we are hoping to hear from them this week! She tried to sort things out with Tyler. She was tired of "being on a break" felt like it was just an excuse to do whatever he wanted without breaking up. Not such a great compromise if you ask me.
In the meantime, the very same night was the night that I ended up getting coffee with Adam (the guy who tapped me on the shoulder), we had been texting all week, so it was not as awkward as I had thought it would be. Until the hug, that was awkward, but I met up with Becca shortly after and we went to a team fund raiser at B-dubs.
So we were driving down the road, on the way to the fund raiser, and my car starts making some weird noises. Becca instructs me to let go of my wheel and see if it pulls. It did, and then she looked out the window and yelled, "Becca! It's smoking! Your tire is smoking!" Well, if you know Ypsi, the road to Kroger, right before you get onto 94 is not an easy place to pull over, so I drove for a mile with my hazards on, in the middle lane, and pulled over after the bridge.
While on hold with AAA I started asking Becca questions. I knew nothing about replacing a tire.
Great.
Eventually we got to B-dubs on my spare tire, and the following day we spent waiting for my tire to be fixed. The whole thing was a wonderful adventure!!!
That night, Katie and Tyler went out to dinner, and quickly the truth came out about Ethan. Tyler flipped out on her. I ended up going home that night and driving up the next morning, and went straight to work, not saying a thing to Becca or Katie between Friday night and Saturday morning.
That morning Becca got a text from Tyler, "Which Becca is this?" (We joked that he probably has our numbers saved as Becca 1 and Becca 2.)
"Fuerst, why?"
"Just to let you know…" and he told her about Katie and Ethan.
OOPS.
I get home from work that Saturday, not knowing of anything that happened with Katie and Becca. Becca had sent me a text during one of my classes at work saying that she needed to talk, and Katie was giving me vague details, so I was scared that I was going to be the first one on the chopping block, starting off with "did you know the whole time?"
I was right, and I shook my head. I told her that it was not my place to tell her, I didn't want to see her hurt and in all honesty, Ethan Knopp was a good guy, but I did not see it working out with the two of them.
She asked me questions, let me read text messages and I tried to answer them as truthfully as possible. Becca claimed that she was not mad at Katie, and that she was more mad at Ethan. Becca and I had come to the conclusion that when it comes to relationships, we are both kind of messed up, and she kept talking about how this one was her final blow.
During the questions, and text message readings, Becca was getting ready for a date with a boy that she met on Tinder… So there is that.
Later that night on my way home from Rachels house, I get a call from Katie telling me that she is coming back to Ypsi to go to Justine's Birthday, but as soon as I pulled into our parking lot, I got a text message from her saying that she wants to be happy and experience life so she is going to go on the date that she originally planned to go on.
I told her I support whatever she does, but I did not agree with her decision.
With all the drama of the day, not to add to it, but I felt like I had to tell Adam the truth, so I told him my whole testimony, which lead to the conclusion that I was in no way interested in having a romantic relationship with him.
So now we are at December 7th! (I told you a lot happened).
So Danny called me that night and asked if I was home. I told him I was, and he asked if he could come over. Soon enough I had a text saying that he was at the door. We walked into my room, shut the door and sat down, making ourselves comfortable. That's when he asked about Katie, because he was interested. I told him everything I knew, including what had gone down this last weekend, and from there he wanted to make his decision.
As usual, Danny and I got into deeper conversations in my room, and off the topic of Katie. That's when his phone rang, and he answered it. It was Katie, wanting to know where he was, in that moment, she walked into my room to talk to me, to see Danny on the phone and me sitting in my pink chair. I just smiled. That night, Danny told Katie that he was interested, and after he left, she told me that she couldn't do this.
Which leads me to December 8th. We are getting there…December 8th 2014 was a Monday.
Well, December started with the plot of November still pouring over. Litterally it was that following Monday while Katie and I were walking to practice. Becca had already re-downloaded Tinder, the dating app for your smart phone, and although I advised her to take a break from men and focus on school, joining a club or getting a job.
She didn't listen to me.
Anyway here it goes:
December First: The month started off with me in my literature class, hating it. As I was on my way out the door, I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around to see this poor kid stuttering and asking me if I wanted to get coffee some time. I really wanted to say no, I'm not interested in dating, but the poor kid was stuttering, and I had promised Katie that if I was asked on a date, I would say yes. So I said yes, and gave him my number. On our way to practice that night, right when we were out of ear from the apartment, we crossed the street, passed Sill Hall and Katie brought Ethan up, "so… Ethan asked me on a date."
"What? Other Becca's Ethan? (it gets confusing) Where? When? What did you say!?"
She told me that her family said that she should work on moving on from her relationship with Tyler, and try to be happy. Date, have fun, experience new things… that was their advice. So she looked at me and asked for my advice…
Now I will admit, this was not my finest moment in my history of giving advice, but after all that Katie had been through, I thought she deserved to have fun and go out dancing. It didn't mean that it would turn into anything. In fact, I thought that her and Tyler were supposed to be together, so I didn't think that going on a date with Ethan would be bad at all. "But if Becca finds out… you will never live it down. It would crush her…" I warned her, and I told her the story about my two friends who went through something similar, they are no longer friends. The good news is that the couple is engaged! (You know who you are, congrats the two of you!)
She looked at me and said, "good, I'm glad you agree because I already accepted it."
Right then I should have put my hands to my forehead and started pounding at the mess that was being created.
December 2: I had my last day of work for the session and then Katie and I headed to Danny's for a couple of card games. The when we started to play spoons, things got out of control and "Spoon" turned to "spoons" turned to "spooning…"
The rest of the week was spent being secretive because we didn't want to hurt Becca. Besides, it wasn't my secret to tell… Katie would go into her room and close her door whenever he called, and she would put a lock on her phone and answer text messages in secret. How did Becca not know that this was happening?
As it stood with relationships:
Ethan Knopp and Becca Fuerst: Over
Katie and Tyler Debrabander: Over
Katie and Ethan Knopp: Dancing and Dinner Date
Becca Garber: Going Crazy Watching my friends love lives be a mess, wondering where mine went, and remembering that being single is a huge blessing.
Thursday, December 4th: Katie went to her interview for Glen Arbor, and we are hoping to hear from them this week! She tried to sort things out with Tyler. She was tired of "being on a break" felt like it was just an excuse to do whatever he wanted without breaking up. Not such a great compromise if you ask me.
In the meantime, the very same night was the night that I ended up getting coffee with Adam (the guy who tapped me on the shoulder), we had been texting all week, so it was not as awkward as I had thought it would be. Until the hug, that was awkward, but I met up with Becca shortly after and we went to a team fund raiser at B-dubs.
So we were driving down the road, on the way to the fund raiser, and my car starts making some weird noises. Becca instructs me to let go of my wheel and see if it pulls. It did, and then she looked out the window and yelled, "Becca! It's smoking! Your tire is smoking!" Well, if you know Ypsi, the road to Kroger, right before you get onto 94 is not an easy place to pull over, so I drove for a mile with my hazards on, in the middle lane, and pulled over after the bridge.
While on hold with AAA I started asking Becca questions. I knew nothing about replacing a tire.
Great.
Eventually we got to B-dubs on my spare tire, and the following day we spent waiting for my tire to be fixed. The whole thing was a wonderful adventure!!!
That night, Katie and Tyler went out to dinner, and quickly the truth came out about Ethan. Tyler flipped out on her. I ended up going home that night and driving up the next morning, and went straight to work, not saying a thing to Becca or Katie between Friday night and Saturday morning.
That morning Becca got a text from Tyler, "Which Becca is this?" (We joked that he probably has our numbers saved as Becca 1 and Becca 2.)
"Fuerst, why?"
"Just to let you know…" and he told her about Katie and Ethan.
OOPS.
I get home from work that Saturday, not knowing of anything that happened with Katie and Becca. Becca had sent me a text during one of my classes at work saying that she needed to talk, and Katie was giving me vague details, so I was scared that I was going to be the first one on the chopping block, starting off with "did you know the whole time?"
I was right, and I shook my head. I told her that it was not my place to tell her, I didn't want to see her hurt and in all honesty, Ethan Knopp was a good guy, but I did not see it working out with the two of them.
She asked me questions, let me read text messages and I tried to answer them as truthfully as possible. Becca claimed that she was not mad at Katie, and that she was more mad at Ethan. Becca and I had come to the conclusion that when it comes to relationships, we are both kind of messed up, and she kept talking about how this one was her final blow.
During the questions, and text message readings, Becca was getting ready for a date with a boy that she met on Tinder… So there is that.
Later that night on my way home from Rachels house, I get a call from Katie telling me that she is coming back to Ypsi to go to Justine's Birthday, but as soon as I pulled into our parking lot, I got a text message from her saying that she wants to be happy and experience life so she is going to go on the date that she originally planned to go on.
I told her I support whatever she does, but I did not agree with her decision.
With all the drama of the day, not to add to it, but I felt like I had to tell Adam the truth, so I told him my whole testimony, which lead to the conclusion that I was in no way interested in having a romantic relationship with him.
So now we are at December 7th! (I told you a lot happened).
So Danny called me that night and asked if I was home. I told him I was, and he asked if he could come over. Soon enough I had a text saying that he was at the door. We walked into my room, shut the door and sat down, making ourselves comfortable. That's when he asked about Katie, because he was interested. I told him everything I knew, including what had gone down this last weekend, and from there he wanted to make his decision.
As usual, Danny and I got into deeper conversations in my room, and off the topic of Katie. That's when his phone rang, and he answered it. It was Katie, wanting to know where he was, in that moment, she walked into my room to talk to me, to see Danny on the phone and me sitting in my pink chair. I just smiled. That night, Danny told Katie that he was interested, and after he left, she told me that she couldn't do this.
Which leads me to December 8th. We are getting there…December 8th 2014 was a Monday.
It all started with a never ending stream of texts from Tyler. Katie couldn't keep up with the responses, and then the calls started to come. First there were three, then nine, soon we were at thirteen. Finally Katie answered.
Thank God it was right before practice because they were making each other mad, eventually she just told him she was going to practice and hung up. The calls kept coming.
By the time we got to our floor routines, we were at over 30 calls! And when we got home, Becca started getting calls from Tyler as well. They shut off their phones and we went to Steak and Shake for a nice and needed get away.
We called Danny because we wanted his blender, and shortly after we got back to the apartment, he arrived. As I went to let Danny in, Tyler called Becca and she answered, I walked through the doorway to find out that Tyler was three minutes away from the apartment.
So much for a fun night with smoothies…
While the fun lasted, we opened up each others presents and enjoyed our moments of free time before everything started to go in flames. Then Tyler arrived, and Danny sat in our living room until one in the morning. I got around to taking a shower, and then realized that I couldn't wait for her any longer and went to bed. They were up until seven in the morning, and Katie had class at 9:30.
RISE AND SHINE!
That week Katie and Tyler were trying to work things out. I can honestly say that now I understand when they say that "Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right." It seemed like every move was right or wrong, and that feelings were so messed up.
Also that very week changed everything for me, which started January, but I will got to January later. That Wednesday Mason finally showed up to practice for the first time in forever, we took pictures, and the pit that was typically under the beam was leaning against it. When I was finished with my beam routine, I jumped onto the mat with my stomach landing on it. Mason ran up from the other side at the same time, and we got really close. "Much closer and we would have smacked noses and kissed." I laughed as if it was a joke and did my beam routine. "Mason, lets not kiss."
That Thursday night, we went to Necto, but it was not something that I was really into, I just like the dressing up and taking pictures. Everyone else was having a good time, and typically I am if I am dancing with my friends, but not a ton of total strangers.
Then came December 12th, the Christmas Party! It was going fine, and in fact, Shannon even called a game of spoons to be played in my room. So we went in and started the rounds, that is when the shenanigans started.
Also that very week changed everything for me, which started January, but I will got to January later. That Wednesday Mason finally showed up to practice for the first time in forever, we took pictures, and the pit that was typically under the beam was leaning against it. When I was finished with my beam routine, I jumped onto the mat with my stomach landing on it. Mason ran up from the other side at the same time, and we got really close. "Much closer and we would have smacked noses and kissed." I laughed as if it was a joke and did my beam routine. "Mason, lets not kiss."
That Thursday night, we went to Necto, but it was not something that I was really into, I just like the dressing up and taking pictures. Everyone else was having a good time, and typically I am if I am dancing with my friends, but not a ton of total strangers.
Then came December 12th, the Christmas Party! It was going fine, and in fact, Shannon even called a game of spoons to be played in my room. So we went in and started the rounds, that is when the shenanigans started.
Shannon randomly left in the middle of games, and after maybe a half hour, Katie got up and left. I heard a scream and walked out of my room, and the first question I asked was, "where is our Christmas tree!?" Katie comes out of the bathroom yelling Chris' name and I run into the bathroom to see our Christmas tree in the bathtub.
CHRIS!!!!!!
That was the bulk of the Christmas party, and afterwards Mike bought me Jimmy Johns, which was really nice of him!
The next day was my fathers birthday, and I ended up going home to celebrate my sisters 16th birthday. During that time I caught up with Stephanie, my cousin, as she told me more about everything that has been going on in college. When I told her about Adam and my non-interest in dating, she told me that dating was exactly what I needed.
I have a list of standards set, but what she was telling me was to make sure that those standards were what I wanted out of a relationship. She told me to go out on dates, let it last for two or three weeks, and then decide if they are good enough for me. If they are, keep them around, if not dump them. When it's over, I'll be disappointed, but I will know that they were not what I was looking for. I thought about what she told me, but I was still very conflicted. I'm not one to go out on dates with someone I just met. I would rather have a meaningful relationship with my best friend, that I knew would end. Figure out what qualities in him I liked, and what qualities I didn't and when it was over, say our goodbyes, have one final kiss and carry on with our friendship.
Stephanie and I froze at the zoo, and then just craved chicken.
That Sunday… all I have to say is BUT GOD.
BUT GOD
BUT GOD
I had taken a step back from many relationships at Dayspring, because I felt like although it was where I was supposed to return over the summer, my life was at college right now. I'll hang out with friends if the opportunity arises, but as far as staying connected… I don't know, I can't explain it. I pulled away.
All it took was hearing a familiar voice and I broke down crying with my Mom. I leaned my head on her shoulder, and said, "I am so tired of all of this, I am so tired of 'waiting for… I don't even know what.'" Back in October a random woman confirmed many things and then instructed me that it was a time of waiting and transition. Waiting for what?
GOOD QUESTION, I HAVE NO CLUE.
I told my Mom all that the lady had said and suddenly she started believing everything that I had been telling her for months. So as I was sitting there, I just cried, and cried and cried. After all I had witnessed going down in the apartment, my friends hearts breaking, me watching it, and waiting and waiting and waiting. Constantly giving advice, I felt like I was in the middle of a mentally strategizing football game for the past to weeks.
KATIE AND I MADE OUR MOVE, NOW IT'S TIME TO SEE WHAT TYLER'S NEXT MOVE IS.
OH, IT'S A FAKE, ETHAN KNOPP MADE A MOVE!!!
NOW TYLER IS COMING IN FROM THE SIDE…
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! TYLER WAS A GENTLEMAN, A MIRACLE HAS OCCURRED TONIGHT!
(I don't know, I just pictured the announcer guy in the box with the headset on from Facing the Giants during the final game. I might have seen that movie way too many times.)
But back to what happened in December and my crying to my Mom…
IS THIS SERIOUSLY WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN???
I went back to school the following week with my study abroad application due, and final exams. I had a hard time with the dress I was making, and I got to a point where I wondered why I was even doing this? Yes, I enjoyed sewing… but what did I really want to do with it?
I. DON'T. KNOW.
Well when the application due date came for my Italy trip, I realized that my teacher never got any of my emails, so he never sent in any of my recommendations. I spent half of my practice trying to figure out what went wrong, and if it was too late to try and send in my application, but it all came through!
That Wednesday, I believe it was, I found out that I was going to Italy! I was so excited, and it made my day, little did I know everything that was about to happen with the rest of the month.
Thursday, December 18th I turned in my final portfolio for Creative Writing, with three pieces that intertwined with one another. One was Jumps, a piece inspired by Viegner, where he posted twenty-five things about him everyday on Facebook. I did something similar with Twitter.
The second was an anaphorically organized, piece that was also written in parataxis. I did this with the idea of snow, and every memory I had with it. The final one was that jump from the beam to the pit, when Mason and I got too close. I could say it sparked my curiosity. I had asked Becca's opinion of the question, "What if I wanted to kiss Mason? I'm very curious about this… our friendship is weird when we are together, and I want to see if something is there." She thought I should go for it.
Then Katie thought I should go for it, then Shannon, and Danny… and soon the rest of the team knew. But the Christmas party had come around and he didn't come. The idea faded as Italy became more of a priority, and all the drama started going down in the apartment.
Anyway, after I turned in my final portfolio, I informed my professor that…
I GOT ACCEPTED TO GO TO ITALY!!!!
I then left for Chloe's house that night. We talked all night and I told her everything that went down within the 18 long days of December. Over the course of being at home, I got really sick of being there. I found that I was at the Schmitz house often, I helped put up their tree, I went to the nutcracker and often times tried to avoid being at home. When I was at home I was working on the video for the gymnastics team.
Time after time when I was catching up with people they asked me what my majors were. Apparel Textile and Merchandising and Creative Writing. They asked what I wanted to do with it, and my usual answer came out.
I WANT TO WRITE BOOKS.
But what about Apparel???
UMMM… Good Question?
I HAVE NO CLUE.
Eventually over break, I found myself getting into a fight with my mother about my birth certificate, and from there sparked every reason why she has disappointed me, and why I have disappointed her. FIGHT. I went to Katie Bailey, and Lucas Garber's wedding shower, and that is when Stephanie and I got into a conversation for over an hour about dating, and people we trust. Again she was giving me the same advice. In the end the thing that stuck with me was, "Becca, I would be scared if I was going to marry someone and they had only dated one person. How would I know that they know what they want?"
True. But I don't want pointless relationships. I want them to mean something. I want them to be special with someone I know would respect me, and like I said last time, when it was over, we could be disappointed, but separate and remain friends.
Christmas came, and it was good kind of what I expected, which was admit-tingly disappointing. Not the presents part, but just everything about the season in general. No snow, my family being… so… messed up.
Somewhere in that mess of time, I ended up freaking out. Apparel wasn't what I wanted to do, I didn't know what else I wanted to do besides write. I didn't know where I was going to live over the summer, if I was going to be in Ypsilanti or Bowling Green. I didn't know what I wanted as a job over the summer, I didn't know where I was going to live next summer. I didn't know how long I would be doing gymnastics, or what I was even doing for New Years. I panicked, and after the month I had, it felt like it went from everything being good and steady over the summer to falling apart, and not knowing what I want out of life. Besides Jesus of course.
And for new years, I ended up going up to the apartment with Bethany, and I spent it with Becca, Danny and a couple of his friends. It was actually another disappointing night.
And that was December. Rough, and cold. Filled with what seemed like never-ending pain and confusion.
Now onto January, because it gets better! :)
Stephanie and I froze at the zoo, and then just craved chicken.
That Sunday… all I have to say is BUT GOD.
BUT GOD
BUT GOD
I had taken a step back from many relationships at Dayspring, because I felt like although it was where I was supposed to return over the summer, my life was at college right now. I'll hang out with friends if the opportunity arises, but as far as staying connected… I don't know, I can't explain it. I pulled away.
All it took was hearing a familiar voice and I broke down crying with my Mom. I leaned my head on her shoulder, and said, "I am so tired of all of this, I am so tired of 'waiting for… I don't even know what.'" Back in October a random woman confirmed many things and then instructed me that it was a time of waiting and transition. Waiting for what?
GOOD QUESTION, I HAVE NO CLUE.
I told my Mom all that the lady had said and suddenly she started believing everything that I had been telling her for months. So as I was sitting there, I just cried, and cried and cried. After all I had witnessed going down in the apartment, my friends hearts breaking, me watching it, and waiting and waiting and waiting. Constantly giving advice, I felt like I was in the middle of a mentally strategizing football game for the past to weeks.
KATIE AND I MADE OUR MOVE, NOW IT'S TIME TO SEE WHAT TYLER'S NEXT MOVE IS.
OH, IT'S A FAKE, ETHAN KNOPP MADE A MOVE!!!
NOW TYLER IS COMING IN FROM THE SIDE…
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! TYLER WAS A GENTLEMAN, A MIRACLE HAS OCCURRED TONIGHT!
(I don't know, I just pictured the announcer guy in the box with the headset on from Facing the Giants during the final game. I might have seen that movie way too many times.)
But back to what happened in December and my crying to my Mom…
IS THIS SERIOUSLY WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN???
I went back to school the following week with my study abroad application due, and final exams. I had a hard time with the dress I was making, and I got to a point where I wondered why I was even doing this? Yes, I enjoyed sewing… but what did I really want to do with it?
I. DON'T. KNOW.
Well when the application due date came for my Italy trip, I realized that my teacher never got any of my emails, so he never sent in any of my recommendations. I spent half of my practice trying to figure out what went wrong, and if it was too late to try and send in my application, but it all came through!
That Wednesday, I believe it was, I found out that I was going to Italy! I was so excited, and it made my day, little did I know everything that was about to happen with the rest of the month.
Thursday, December 18th I turned in my final portfolio for Creative Writing, with three pieces that intertwined with one another. One was Jumps, a piece inspired by Viegner, where he posted twenty-five things about him everyday on Facebook. I did something similar with Twitter.
The second was an anaphorically organized, piece that was also written in parataxis. I did this with the idea of snow, and every memory I had with it. The final one was that jump from the beam to the pit, when Mason and I got too close. I could say it sparked my curiosity. I had asked Becca's opinion of the question, "What if I wanted to kiss Mason? I'm very curious about this… our friendship is weird when we are together, and I want to see if something is there." She thought I should go for it.
Then Katie thought I should go for it, then Shannon, and Danny… and soon the rest of the team knew. But the Christmas party had come around and he didn't come. The idea faded as Italy became more of a priority, and all the drama started going down in the apartment.
Anyway, after I turned in my final portfolio, I informed my professor that…
I GOT ACCEPTED TO GO TO ITALY!!!!
I then left for Chloe's house that night. We talked all night and I told her everything that went down within the 18 long days of December. Over the course of being at home, I got really sick of being there. I found that I was at the Schmitz house often, I helped put up their tree, I went to the nutcracker and often times tried to avoid being at home. When I was at home I was working on the video for the gymnastics team.
Time after time when I was catching up with people they asked me what my majors were. Apparel Textile and Merchandising and Creative Writing. They asked what I wanted to do with it, and my usual answer came out.
I WANT TO WRITE BOOKS.
But what about Apparel???
UMMM… Good Question?
I HAVE NO CLUE.
Eventually over break, I found myself getting into a fight with my mother about my birth certificate, and from there sparked every reason why she has disappointed me, and why I have disappointed her. FIGHT. I went to Katie Bailey, and Lucas Garber's wedding shower, and that is when Stephanie and I got into a conversation for over an hour about dating, and people we trust. Again she was giving me the same advice. In the end the thing that stuck with me was, "Becca, I would be scared if I was going to marry someone and they had only dated one person. How would I know that they know what they want?"
True. But I don't want pointless relationships. I want them to mean something. I want them to be special with someone I know would respect me, and like I said last time, when it was over, we could be disappointed, but separate and remain friends.
Christmas came, and it was good kind of what I expected, which was admit-tingly disappointing. Not the presents part, but just everything about the season in general. No snow, my family being… so… messed up.
Somewhere in that mess of time, I ended up freaking out. Apparel wasn't what I wanted to do, I didn't know what else I wanted to do besides write. I didn't know where I was going to live over the summer, if I was going to be in Ypsilanti or Bowling Green. I didn't know what I wanted as a job over the summer, I didn't know where I was going to live next summer. I didn't know how long I would be doing gymnastics, or what I was even doing for New Years. I panicked, and after the month I had, it felt like it went from everything being good and steady over the summer to falling apart, and not knowing what I want out of life. Besides Jesus of course.
And for new years, I ended up going up to the apartment with Bethany, and I spent it with Becca, Danny and a couple of his friends. It was actually another disappointing night.
And that was December. Rough, and cold. Filled with what seemed like never-ending pain and confusion.
Now onto January, because it gets better! :)
