To All the Girls (And Boys) Who Complain About Being Single:
As I scroll through facebook and twitter I either see one of
two things; there are women who are thankful for their significant other and
boast about what that person has done for them and how much they love them. The
other common post I see is about single women complaining about their
relationship status, or saying that they “need” a man. My favorite one can be
said two ways, “he completes me,” or “I need a man to complete me.”
Both of these types of posts got me thinking about my life
right now, as being single and about as unattached from any sort of romantic
relationship that a human can get. I started thinking about time, and how it is
priceless. I thought about what it would be like to be in a relationship once
again. I thought about my past relationship and wondered if I even knew what it
was like to actually love someone, because the whole thing was one giant mess,
and I didn’t know where the lies started and ended.
I think it’s safe to say that those posts about how much you
love your husband… they got me thinking.
About two months ago I confided in my life group leader
about something that had been on my heart. I felt like God had shown me what he
could do in my life, but I really didn’t know what to do in this time of
“waiting.” I knew that he had called me home, to build and restore
relationships, and to make Dayspring “home” once again. Then, because I was
faithful, I would have that future that he had shown me, and I now so
desperately desired.
However, every time I asked God “when?” He would tell me,
“in my time…” and just like that, something awesome would happen and it was
evident that God’s fingerprints were all over it! So eventually I just stopped
worrying about WHEN, and held onto his promise and decided to just go with the
flow. In doing that, Lauren gave me a book, called Lady in Waiting. It’s about becoming Mrs. Right, while waiting for
Mr. Right. I thought it was interesting and so I eagerly opened the book, and
it became my little book study every Sunday morning during first service.
The book studies the life of Ruth. Although the story is
short, there is a lot to learn from it, and as I was reading those extremely
opposite status’s I started thinking about my own life and being single. I
thought of conversations that I had with other women who were single, and in
relationships. From that I decided that I needed to share this.
First: Being Single Is An Advantage!
One of the first things that you learn when reading Lady In Waiting, is that the author
views the life of a single women as something to take advantage of. She
describes it in such a way, which makes you wonder why you ever complained
about being single in the first place. She paints a picture of what it is like
to be married, you wake up early in the morning, hoping for some morning
devotionals by yourself, just some time to get into the word, worship or just
pray, but before you know it, the kids are waking up. Someone missed the
toilet; the dog hopped into the bathtub and is now running around the house,
your husband doesn’t know how to tie his tie properly. Then the kids’ outfits
need changed because they are wearing last years dress up costume, there is
breakfast to be made, lunches to be packed, coffee to be poured, messes to
clean up, and sometime within the next twenty minutes everyone has to be in the
car and on their way to work or school, otherwise everyone is running late all
day.
Sounds busy right!? Just as I, as a married woman, would get
to sit down to devote a little time to God, my free time would suddenly be
taken up by my duties as a mother, and a wife. However, in this time of
singleness, I have a job, school and gymnastics. I don’t have to devote my time
to a special someone, I don’t have to make sure I call them to tell them how my
day is doing, or take out nights in my schedule to hang out with them. Those
times can be spent devoted to getting to know God, studying his word, or even
reading Lady In Waiting.
After reading that the first time, I thought that the author
was right. It wasn’t until I read it three or four more times that it begun to
sink in. God wants his time with me, he wants to get to know me, and mold me
and shape me into the women I am supposed to be. A lady of faith, diligence,
and purity… the list goes on and on. Just as I am sure he is molding my future
husband and guiding his steps day by day, I want to be molded so that when the
time comes, we will be ready for each other, with no problems.
So as a recap, enjoy this time as being single. Once you are
in a relationship, and a serious one at that, you don’t get this time back.
Spend time with your family, friends and God. Grow and mature, and just wait on
him!
Second: God Is A Jealous God!
August 20, 2014, was a Wednesday that I had planned to meet
up with my new friend Gela, and we were going to get coffee… or something like
that. Throughout that same week I had run into her on Sunday, and the first
thing she said to me was, “are you alright?” Immediately I started to cry and
told her how stressed I was. She prayed over me and I felt a weight lift from
my shoulders.
That following Tuesday, she had called me randomly, but little
did she know that World War Three was taking place right above me, and I just
really needed a friendly voice. When I took her call she told me that she felt
like God was telling her to just talk to me and keep me in her thoughts, so she
decided to call me. That being said, I cannot begin to tell you how God
ordained that was.
During that call, I received another call from my friend
Sophia. When I got around to calling Sophia back, she invited me over for
cookies. Little did she know that God was using her to help me get out of the
house for the night… God was just awesome!
That lead me to Wednesday afternoon with Gela, I was
stressed and somehow within the middle of all that stress, she found a way to
calm me down. It was probably God using her to work through me, but by the end
of the night I was telling her my testimony, which not many people know, and
unfortunately I feel like it has to stay that way for a while. Because my
testimony is like 90% about relationships, with God, boys, friends etc., we got
on that topic.
While we were talking she was explaining God’s jealousy in a
way that I had never really thought about it before. She explained it that God
desires a personal relationship with him, which I had known, but think about
it. God wants EVERY PART of EVERY SINGLE PERSON. God doesn’t want all of us
girls relying on some prince charming to come and sweep us off of our feet,
save us from our awful single lives and live happily ever after, being
“completed” by someone else.
Instead, God wants to be that prince charming who comes in
and sweeps us off of our feet. He wants all of us, but he created us in a way
that our human nature desires for that human connection with one other person,
so when the time is right, then God will allow those doors to open, and he will
share me with a guy. It’s not that I will share God with a guy because God means
so much to me… it can never be that way, because I can never love him as much
as he loves me. It will ALWAYS be the opposite. We have to give ourselves fully
to God, and in turn, he will give us a man, and allow that man to be a part of
the love triangle.
As I thought about that I thought it was awesome! We waste
our times being single, asking God “why haven’t you sent someone for us!?” When
what we should really be asking is, “what can I do next to further my
relationship with you? Because my only desire is to follow you, trust you and
love you. IF you send me a husband, it is because you know and understand my
human needs.”
God is already jealous that he has to share you once he has
all of you. Imagine what it must be like for him, when he has to hear those
girls who constantly ask him “why” or “when.” That must hurt him; I can imagine
him sitting up there just saying, “if you give yourself to me, I can let you
know why and when…”
Third: The Love Triangle… or Trapezoid?
As Gela and I continued to chat in the car, I had brought up
The Love Triangle, as I did just a few paragraphs back. Gela got really excited
about me mentioning The Love Triangle and drew it out on paper.
The idea of it is that there are three points of the
triangle, two are my future spouse and me, the third one is God. Now,
connecting the dots, as my future husband and I separately seek God, our
separate lines toward God get drawn. However, as we both seek God, the line
connecting my future spouse and I gets drawn.
I know, that could mean many things, that as we seek God
together, our relationship gets stronger, or as we seek God, we eventually
follow his plan and randomly bump into a stranger, who eventually becomes our
future spouse. It could mean many things, but the point is, that both sides
seek God, and somewhere during that time, our line connects.
One thing that came to Gela as we were talking about it was
that sometimes when our lines start to get drawn, they don’t finish. Meaning we
search and search for God, we both get closer and closer and… “Oh… wow, he’s
attractive,” and “Oh, she’s kind of hot…” suddenly the line connecting my
future spouse and I, is complete, but our lines connecting us to God aren’t.
Then we are left with hot relationship with each other and luke warm
relationships with God. That ends up creating some sort of trapezoid, which if
you think about it, means that there are two God dots still left, and there
should only be one… take that however you want. It could mean many things,
different levels of intimacy with God, different Gods, different maturity
levels etc.
The point is, make sure you’re creating a triangle, and not
a trapezoid, because then there is confusion, hurt, and regret when a trapezoid
is made. If my future spouse and I know the same God, maybe in different ways,
but with the same level of intimacy, and closeness, it creates a stronger
relationship between my husband and I. So in everything you do, keep searching
for God, and building your relationship with him. Even if you see an attractive
guy, keep your eyes focused on God, and let the triangle create itself through
your relationship with him!
Fourth: You Complete Me
I’ve always hated this phrase and I never knew why. Maybe it
was over used, or completely unoriginal, but now I know for sure why I hate it
today.
It is WRONG.
I am not sure where I read this, but a man should never
complete a women. Yes, I understand, Adam gave us a rib, but God was the one
who breathed the breath of life into us… Just saying, he finished his work with
his breath, not with a rib.
Anyway, the phrase “you complete me,” is wrong because a guy
should never have to complete a girl. That is a lot of pressure to put on the
guy! Same in reversed situations.
People think that we are broken and incomplete and that we
need our “second half” to make us whole, without realizing that God is our
second half, he had completed us already. Women don’t need a man to complete
them, and men don’t need a women at their side to complete them either. It is
always God that should be completing them. Besides, who wants someone who isn’t
“done” yet? Think about it, if someone isn’t complete, then they are missing
something… (It’s probably God that they are missing).
What I propose is that instead of using the phrase “you complete
me” we should use the phrase “you complement me.” This does not mean that men
should always COMPLIEMNT their significant other or else the girls should think
that they don’t really care. Instead it means that it should be like two complementary
colors like blue and orange. They don’t seem to go well together, but in make
up theory, they make the other pop. Have blue eyes? Wear orange or brown tones.
The same goes for relationships, instead of being
discouraging, the relationship should build you up. Their attitude should have
effect on you, the two of you should build off of each other. Iron sharpens
iron, and that’s what the relationship should be like. If you are in a Complementary
relationship, you aren’t relying on the other person. You can have time alone
without them; you can spend time with God and not with them. However, if you
need someone to “complete” you, then you can’t spend any time apart from him or
her. You need them for everything!
For the record, I did get the Complementary idea from a
book, I am just not sure which one, but it is true. Back to colors, orange
makes blue pop they are complementary colors. However, when a color “completes”
another color it just makes a whole new color. Like yellow and blue, when they
“complete” each other, it makes green. It doesn’t make the other pop, and
typically look awful next to each other.
The same goes for relationships, you want to complement each other, make
the other stand out, and bring out the best in the other person. You NEVER want
to change them into something they are not.
Five: You THINK or KNOW That You KNOW
This one only applies to a few people, but I have heard
multiple stories about it, so I wanted to share one that I have been told for
years and have known to be true.
There was a young man named Eric, assistant manager at a
Burger King in Bowling Green, Ohio. Not only was he taking a good amount of
classes at Bowling Green State University, but he was also working full time.
School and work were his life; there was no time for anything else.
There was also a young woman, named Laurel. She was an
associate at Burger King; she had worked there for months, and went to school
at Bowling Green State University as a full time student once again.
One night, as Eric was working late, Laurel came in the grab
her check. She was dressed up, although I’m not sure what for, I’m pretty sure
she was going out on a date… but don’t take my word for it. Eric was just
talking to his store manager about some things they needed to get done when Laurel
walked in dressed up. I can’t even begin to imagine the look of surprise on
Eric’s face as he looked at his store manager and asked, “Who is that woman?”
The store manager replied, “that’s Laurel, she cleans up
well, doesn’t she?” With a nod, Eric looked at his boss, and simply replied,
“I’m going to marry that woman some day.”
The store manager looked at him and laughed, “she’s way out
of your league…” As my Dad tells me this story over and over again I had just
found it funny. My Dad knew way before he even started “talking” (as we call it
today) to my mother.
As they had started dating, it was obvious that God had
revealed my mother to him, and he had ended up being right, they got married
and had three beautiful kids, if I do say so myself.
This isn’t the only time that this has happened, I have
heard many more stories about God revealing a persons future spouse to them. So
what happens once they are revealed? They immediately start dating, and they
end up married within the year, right!?
NOPE.
Actually within the next year, they do become friends, but
dating is far from either of their minds. So what to do? There are a couple of
htings to do while in this “waiting” period.
1.) If you are single and God has revealed that special
someone to you, on multiple occasions, then you may be hearing God’s voice, and
following his direction already. Keep listening for his voice. Often times, I
have noticed that when I start to make decisions based on feelings and not what
God is telling me, if it is the wrong choice, God will shut that door. However,
if it is something he is asking me to do… it seems as though he won’t shut up
until I do it.
2.) Aside from listening for his voice, just keep pressing
into God. Fully immerse yourself in him, if what he told you is true, there is
nothing to worry about!
3.) It can be easy to get jealous when you see him or her
talking with someone else, but they haven’t even said hi to you that day… or
that week for that matter. Give the jealousy to Jesus, and let him deal with
it. The waiting can be tough, but like I said earlier, God wants all of you and
then he will give you away to someone else one day. Besides, you don’t want to
make a trapezoid… finish your triangle!
4.) If you get tired of waiting don’t sweat it, have someone
pray for you. It can be easy to ask, “God, you promised me this, now when is it
going to happen!?” Every time that happens, have someone pray for you to remove
any fear, anxiety, and worry… God doesn’t want you to worry about it. He
revealed that to you so that you can have peace about being single and go about
your life, watching him put your love story together!
5.) Don’t rush things, this is very important! When I said
that God shuts doors, he does especially if you are trying to rush anything.
Let him do his own work! There was one time I needed to confront a friend about
something that had happened. I was going to talk to her right after church, but
instead she got sidetracked and started talking to a ton of people. I never got
the chance to talk to her because when she was done talking, I was talking to
someone else.
By the time we were done, she had already left, and
unfortunately I didn’t get to talk to her. However, the people I was with ended
up going to dinner with the people she was with later that day, and through the
long night, I finally got to tell her what I wanted to say.
If I would have rushed telling her what I needed to say, our
conversation could have been awkward, or the wrong time for her to hear the
things that I had to tell her. However, when the opportunity presented itself,
it was the right time, and actually integrated itself into the conversation
perfectly. There is nothing better than God’s timing!
When it comes down to it, being single is not a bad thing! It’s
an excellent and rewarding time in your life. Use it to your advantage, and
don’t worry about finding the right relationship. Don’t look for someone who
“completes” you, but rather take notice in the people who complement you and
your personality. Who enhances who you are? But just because you notice that
they complement you, does not mean that you should drop everything you are
doing and dive into that possible relationship. Let God work it out! And
finally, if God has revealed that special someone to you, keep an open mind and
let God work in your life. Just because he promised it, doesn’t mean that it
will happen the very next day. If you are single for over a year after he
revealed that person to you, it is probably so that the two of you can still
grow, and when the timing is right, God will make it happen.
We serve a big God, and we have to keep in mind that he
knows everything, and has a plan for us. He wants the best for our lives, so I have
resolved to let him guide my steps. If I have a plan for something, and it
doesn’t work out, yeah, I may be disappointed, but it is probably for a reason!
Until Next Time,
-Becca
