This part of January starts to go back and fourth. Katie, Becca and I were settling into a new schedule, not only with school, but Katie's day to open the gym changed from Monday to Wednesday and to this day (in February) it still confuses us.
But that wasn't about to be the only confusing thing about January, or this coming semester, a lot was about to happen and it would change our friendships. One of the days after I came home, or maybe it was before, I'm not really sure, Katie and Tyler started talking again, as in relationship talking. Katie called Ethan and ended things with him once and for all, and immediately blocked his number. Katie, having Tuesdays off, then spent a couple of days with Ty the week after I stayed with Sophia.
Friday, January 16th came around, that was the day of my birthday party. It was also a decent day in the gym, Katie decided that she wanted to do a reverse or inverted fly-away, whatever it is called. So there were many times when she would swing forward then back, let go and face-plant into the pit. Katie and I then created a bet, since she wasn't going. All of the things that were contained in this bet were things that she wanted to happen, but she never went for it, so I didn't have to do any of the things that were on the list, even though I wanted to. We then tried to encourage Mason who was having a rough day on pommel, but his day didn't get much better, and when he said he was done, Rachel and Katie left for the apartment and Mason and I stayed in the gym alone while he got dressed and I accompanied him to his car.
When we were in the car, it felt like our friendship had not changed. We talked about personal things, and he kept saying that he needed to get out of Michigan. Which I totally understand, I needed to get out of Ohio, but I felt like God had been telling me, "ask him where is self worth comes from," and even when we had moments of silence, I still didn't ask him. There is something about that question that makes someone think, if they really knew what self worth is. For non-christians, they could find it in relationships, or school, talents, how many likes on Instagram they have, but for Christians, self worth should come from Christ.
I had actually been talking to Adam, the guy that I went out with to get coffee, about it. As him and I had started talking, I had noticed how many jokes he told about himself, a lot of them were ones that gave red flags that we was not comfortable in his own skin. So I told him to be more confident, but not cocky, it can come off as arrogant. As we had been talking about that, I realized that the middle ground between those two are a very fine line, and that is where your self worth lies. We get our confidence from Christ because we are made in his image and likeness and he, the God that created the world, has this undying, unrelenting love for us that will never go away, and that is where we get our identity and self worth. It can be found no where else. Relationships will fade, talents will one day become weak, out of practice, fame will fade, so will beauty, our skills in gymnastics will weaken, our bodies will become broken. All of those things are not lasting, and therefore we cannot define our self worth from them! It HAS TO come from Christ ALONE.
I got off of work and then asked Danny if he was going to go celebrate Rachel's 21st birthday at Tower Inn. He said yes, and I asked if he wanted to walk with me since Katie was not around, instead he invited me over for dinner and I accepted the invitation. As I was watching him make dinner (which included steak and salad, two thumbs up Danny!) We caught up, I asked him how things were going with his relationship, and he asked me how things were going. So I started telling him all of the advice that I had been given in the last week, and my thoughts on what other people said to me, and what actually has happened.
But that wasn't about to be the only confusing thing about January, or this coming semester, a lot was about to happen and it would change our friendships. One of the days after I came home, or maybe it was before, I'm not really sure, Katie and Tyler started talking again, as in relationship talking. Katie called Ethan and ended things with him once and for all, and immediately blocked his number. Katie, having Tuesdays off, then spent a couple of days with Ty the week after I stayed with Sophia.
Friday, January 16th came around, that was the day of my birthday party. It was also a decent day in the gym, Katie decided that she wanted to do a reverse or inverted fly-away, whatever it is called. So there were many times when she would swing forward then back, let go and face-plant into the pit. Katie and I then created a bet, since she wasn't going. All of the things that were contained in this bet were things that she wanted to happen, but she never went for it, so I didn't have to do any of the things that were on the list, even though I wanted to. We then tried to encourage Mason who was having a rough day on pommel, but his day didn't get much better, and when he said he was done, Rachel and Katie left for the apartment and Mason and I stayed in the gym alone while he got dressed and I accompanied him to his car.
When we were in the car, it felt like our friendship had not changed. We talked about personal things, and he kept saying that he needed to get out of Michigan. Which I totally understand, I needed to get out of Ohio, but I felt like God had been telling me, "ask him where is self worth comes from," and even when we had moments of silence, I still didn't ask him. There is something about that question that makes someone think, if they really knew what self worth is. For non-christians, they could find it in relationships, or school, talents, how many likes on Instagram they have, but for Christians, self worth should come from Christ.
I had actually been talking to Adam, the guy that I went out with to get coffee, about it. As him and I had started talking, I had noticed how many jokes he told about himself, a lot of them were ones that gave red flags that we was not comfortable in his own skin. So I told him to be more confident, but not cocky, it can come off as arrogant. As we had been talking about that, I realized that the middle ground between those two are a very fine line, and that is where your self worth lies. We get our confidence from Christ because we are made in his image and likeness and he, the God that created the world, has this undying, unrelenting love for us that will never go away, and that is where we get our identity and self worth. It can be found no where else. Relationships will fade, talents will one day become weak, out of practice, fame will fade, so will beauty, our skills in gymnastics will weaken, our bodies will become broken. All of those things are not lasting, and therefore we cannot define our self worth from them! It HAS TO come from Christ ALONE.
As soon as I realized what would be in Mason's answer, my heart broke a little bit, because one day all those things would leave him. His mother could die, a relationship will end, gymnastics will one day finally break him to where he can't pull a routine out of his leotard, a job can end, family can leave you or die. None of it lasts, and I think that is what scared me away from asking him that question right then and there. I ended up avoiding the question until I could properly ask
it. So instead I just listened as he talked. I kept my mouth shut for the most
part because I knew that even if I begged him to stay here with me next year he
wouldn’t. He thinks that getting out of Michigan is best… but I’m not so sure. I
wasn’t about to argue with him though, but that conversation with him
definitely struck something with me. It reminded me of the beginning of the
season when we were sitting in my room together assembling my drawers before everyone showed up for team poster making.
Not even an hour of being back together and we were arguing about how to put it
together, but it had been good to see him and catch up with him again. I told
him everything that had happened this summer and I told him that I felt like a
lot was going to happen this school year, (Boy was I right!).
I
didn’t know what it was that was supposed to happen, clearly, but at that point
I just heard God say, “Mason.” I said okay, not realizing what it was about or
what his intentions are with Mason, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was
that something was going to happen.
So
as we were sitting in the car I was thinking about his self worth and the
beginning of the school year. I kept my mouth shut though, until a time when I
knew that I had to ask it, and I knew how to ask him these questions.
While
Katie and I showered, Rachel and Mason thankfully took over frosting the
cupcakes for the party (we are thankful for Mason and Rachel!) The party went
well and do believe me when I say that it is quite and interesting story to
tell, but I won’t be telling it now. We took our pictures we had our fun, and memories were made that night.
.jpg) |
| Mason and Katie. I love these two! |
At
the end of the night my cheeks were rosy and there was a smile on my face as I
slept on my floor with Dave, Autumn, Mike and Katie still sitting in my room,
it had been a great twentieth birthday! It ended with Dave picking me up off
the floor and tucking me into bed while I was “asleep.” He kissed me on the
forehead and turned off my light when he walked out.
However,
there had been some repercussions of that night. The next day I went to work,
and I talked with Dana about what had happened. This is the day when I told her
that I was happy about what had happened. The girls I was coaching were quickly
progressing, I had their names memorized and I was so proud of them! I was
consistently pushing them and they were always up for the challenge, which was
awesome. I truly love the kids I work with.
At
least 99% of them.
We spent most of the weekend doing homework and I had a lot on my mind and I called and texted my best friends telling them what had happened, and what their opinions are with how I should continue this year. They gave me their honest opinions and told me that they would pray for my situation and to above all value friendships that need to be valued, and protect my heart.
We are going to fast forward a little bit and go to the following Tuesday.
We spent most of the weekend doing homework and I had a lot on my mind and I called and texted my best friends telling them what had happened, and what their opinions are with how I should continue this year. They gave me their honest opinions and told me that they would pray for my situation and to above all value friendships that need to be valued, and protect my heart.
We are going to fast forward a little bit and go to the following Tuesday.
When we finally sat down to eat, we continued to talk about it, but this night was where the title of this blog came from, and when I realized that being yourself is probably the biggest lesson I could learn this year. It has come to Katie, Becca's and my own attention that going out to eat on a first date, might not be the best option for me. No matter how much I try to maintain my table manners, something always happens, and somebody ends up laughing.
And of course, that was what happened at dinner with Danny. He just looked at me and laughed and said it adds character (even the same thing happened a couple of weeks later with Dave, and he just watched the taco meat fall out.)
We, of course, celebrated Rachel's twenty-first at Tower Inn. Another moment that I enjoyed with the team. It then became obvious how precious they all are to me, after having that dinner with Danny, and then bread sticks at Tower Inn with the team, I realized how precious their friendships are and at the same time how crucial it was for me to just be myself.
Sometime during that week, we were in the middle of practice, and I was on floor. I did my double salto pass and landed straight up and down, and I felt my lower back shift. Ouch! (For those of you who don't know what a double salto pass is, this is an example).
And of course, that was what happened at dinner with Danny. He just looked at me and laughed and said it adds character (even the same thing happened a couple of weeks later with Dave, and he just watched the taco meat fall out.)
We, of course, celebrated Rachel's twenty-first at Tower Inn. Another moment that I enjoyed with the team. It then became obvious how precious they all are to me, after having that dinner with Danny, and then bread sticks at Tower Inn with the team, I realized how precious their friendships are and at the same time how crucial it was for me to just be myself.
Sometime during that week, we were in the middle of practice, and I was on floor. I did my double salto pass and landed straight up and down, and I felt my lower back shift. Ouch! (For those of you who don't know what a double salto pass is, this is an example).
Sometime during that week, that landing hurt, and as I continued to practice, it hurt even more.
Friday night we had our team potluck, we Katie and I spent the day looking at a house for the club house next year, and in the meantime, David chopped up my sugar cubes, and Rachel made her food for later that night. We took pictures and had a blast, for the most part. However, by the end of the night I was sitting on my couch, Danny was rubbing my lower back, and I was practically in tears. I thought it was from conditioning that Katie and I did… but it continued to hurt.
The following night I was hoping for some rest, maybe watch some Merlin, catch up on some homework, write a story or two, plan for Italy… but none of it happened. Katie was ready to go! and so was Dave and Justine. There had been word that there was a Delt party that night, along with a swim party, and Franky's Pencils of Promise, P.O.P. Lock and Break that night. Lots to do if you planned on going out.
So of course with Becca not there, Dave and Justine came over and "pre-gamed" and after my birthday party, I stuck with soda. We played some games, like Chandelier and Flip Cup, and then I finally persuaded everyone to trash our apartment in an attempt to play True American. It was a lot of fun, but it would have been more fun with more spaces, more people and a lot more people who were drinking while I was the only one being sober.
Afterwards we headed of to McKenny where Franky's dance thing was supposed to be happening, but apparently there was miscommunication between him and Eastern, and we got there in time to see him close it. It was supposed to run until one in the morning, but it was about 9-10 o'clock and night and Eastern was having him shut it down.
From there we got lost in Ypsi, and then went to the Delt party and as soon as I was there, i wanted to leave. I will admit, I jammed to a couple of Taylor Swift, Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC, but besides that… I wanted to leave the whole time. And there was this pretty blonde standing in the corner having too much fun. (Hey Rachael!) Katie said that her boyfriend looked like the definition of jerk, and she looked stuck up.
Come to find out, I would be going to Italy with that girl in almost less than a month.
Dave talked me in more circles about my confusing emotions, and what I should be doing with my life while in college. My mom says I'm not allowed to party, I don't want to date, I'm not the type of person to just make-out with random dudes (so stop giving me that advice ;)).
By the end of the night, I wanted my bed and a shower more than anything, and I never wanted to go to a party again, or see Katie with another drink in her hand.
The following week we had our mock meet, and I practiced enough to get through that, but afterwards I did everything I could. Katie stretched me, I iced, I heated, I conditioned… but my back just hurt, all the time. I had to put my hand on something when I bent over so that when I went to stand up it wouldn't put too much pressure on my back. I would sit on the couch with ice, or a heating bad right on my lower spine, and refuse to get up. So I took Friday at the gym off, and just relaxed, hoping that my back would feel a little bit better for OSU…
And that was January (with the exception of OSU and I will tell more about that meet later).
