House Divided

“A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

Recently I have been posting these blog posts as a way to sort out my thoughts, and although I cannot share them because I’m the social media coordinator, and it might shed a bad light on the team, and my team will probably never read them, I feel I have to continue to do this.

Recently I made a post going back and forth about whether we cared too much about ourselves, or each other, or the good of the club, and that’s why we were arguing.

But in the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that I have proven myself wrong about it all.

Maybe the special Nationals juice wore off right after Mock Awards last year, when we realized we wouldn’t get the gym for the summer. Or maybe it was the aftermath of Nationals and the season that left our team to slowly break away from each other and divide.

Don’t know what I’m talking about?

It used to not matter who you were friends with, what sorority you were in or who you were dating. We were all friends, and when one friend failed and let us down, sure we would vent, but we would sort it out. By Nationals… Everything was fine. Like it always is.

So what happened?

Because we have people getting left out of group chats, and it’s not because we are throwing them surprise party. Some people are being asked to pick up certain party favors, but not being invited to the party. The one that threw me was when someone told me, “oh, I don’t like anyone in that friend group.” Excuse me… you talked one of those people through a break up last year, you dated one of them, and I was pretty sure you were good friends with my boyfriend. Then the one I’ve heard multiple times is, that some people are saying, “well this is just a club house event, so that’s why I didn’t invite the freshman…”

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?

Come on guys.

It’s one thing to have a small gathering of the people you’re closest to. Or a Necto night with your roommates, or a dinner date with your roommates and extended roommates, or even a birthday dinner with only people you want there, but actively leaving people out of activities with a large group of the club? Really?

We have friends upset that they aren’t getting invited to parties, I was upset when I realized I was asked to buy party favors, to a party that my friends and future roommates were invited to, but I wasn’t, and it is getting EXTREMELY annoying that whenever I bring up Nationals there are certain members of the club that are saying, “well I’m only going to walk around with you six. I don’t want to hang out with the rest of the team.”

Come on now. IT’S FREAKING NATIONALS! IT’S A TEAM EVENT.

We go as a team, we compete as a team, we have at least ONE team dinner… Sure we don’t have to be together the whole time, but seriously. If you oppose team events that much, then don’t go.

I’ve been trying to warn Evan of this thing that is going on, and its consequences. That if I start hanging out with “my group” of friends that I’m never going to be hanging out with him at meets. I’ve been trying to warn Evan that I’m getting annoyed with this whole “house divided” attitude. That I’m getting sick of the cliques, that if I make the friends he wants me to make, then I’m breaking into both groups, and with one group actively saying, “I don’t want to hang out with other members of the club…” It puts me in an awkward situation where I don’t want to hang out with them because they have that attitude, but I want to hang out with Evan because he’s my boyfriend, and I also don’t want to hang out at my house because nobody is ever there…

So where are we supposed to go. What are we supposed to do when everyone is dividing against us?

We break. That’s what we do.

Friendships are cracking, peoples stubbornness is cracking, there are going to be people who put their foot down. There are going to be friendships ruined because of the amount of rudeness and stubbornness coming out of these people.

Quite frankly this “house divided” mindset is annoying.

And I don’t want to be a part of it.

I’m sorry.

But a house divided against itself cannot stand, and I’m not going to sit here and let certain people just tear it to the ground. If you want to rip apart friendships, go for it, but I will not be a part of it.

To the Girl Who Finds Herself Without a Female Best Friend Actively In Her Life

To the girl who finds herself without a Girl - Best Friend actively in her life.

Recently I was there, and let me tell you, this situation is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Whether it was a falling out with your childhood best friend because you both realized that you not only grew apart, but became too different of people. Or if it was just the fact that your best friend moved away and you're only "best friend" is your significant other...

 This still isn't your fault.

This was a hard lesson to learn, that this pain and loneliness the you are feeling isn't because you did anything wrong, it's simply because sometimes life likes to take things that you love away.  Often times just saying their names would leave me in tears, or I would look around my whole friend group (because in the end we are all friends, but we each have our "best friends") and I would just start crying. It hurt when my boyfriend would say things like "well I don't want to feel like I'm leaving you out when I go to hang out with my friends," seconds after he says, "my friends are your friends..."

Of course he didn't mean it like that, he meant that we need to have friend times separate from just being together all the time, but when you're left at your apartment alone because none of your roommates are ever home, and he is out enjoying himself. It's not exactly easy.

It's a confusing state because his friends say that he likes having you around, but you know there is still something off. You like them, they are your friends, but there's a difference between being close friends with them because they enjoy your company and because you're the girlfriend. You laugh with them, you enjoy their company, you talk with them, and even have snap streaks with them, but it just feels off sometimes. Maybe because in the end they aren't your best friends. Your boyfriend is, but that doesn't really count. He's not a girl.

It's a confusing state because although you have different friends in your friend group, there isn't someone you can call up and ask to come over, ask if your outfit looks weird. There really isn't a person to catch you in awkward situations, like when you can't get your nose ring out of your nose, and there really isn't anyone to go grocery shopping with, or just shopping in general.

You often wonder what happened, how you ended up here. How did your squad fall so far apart that you're all friends, but the moment(s) that brought you all together seem so far away?

So to the girl who does not have any active female best friend in her life...

I was there with you, and sometimes you just have to wait. Because those friends will come along, and one day you will find yourself in the middle of your whole group of friends, but it will just be the three of you pow-wowing and telling stories about past years, and what has happened already this year...

It's scary, but put forth some effort, comment on the tweet about rooming together, and it may take a little bit, it may be awkward at first because you haven't had to do this in years...

But it will be worth it!

In the meantime, find a hobby, something you enjoy. Immerse yourself in work, or in your school work... Find what you love, and stick to it.

Your next girl-best friend(s) will come. You just have to be patient. It may mean a couple of rough months... but she will come.

She always did in the past... and when she does, all that anger from the falling out will lesson and eventually go away. The sadness of the best friend who moved away for a big girl job will dissipate as well. Eventually you'll wake up and find yourself eager for the day, looking forward to practices, and parties, and social gatherings.

It will get better!

Best of Luck! :)