The Little Things

The phrase "actions speak louder than words," is often used by many people who I don't think, realize what it really means.

I've mentioned in other posts before, that many times I would tell a boyfriend how I feel about them, by doing things for them. Through my actions they would know that I love them, not necessarily by the words I say. If I'm upset with them, I may not say the words, "I Love You," but I would still open the door for them, carry groceries… ect.

But this isn't something that I want to have as a standard for myself in my relationships. I want people to know that I love them, respect them or just care about them by what I do. Whether it's helping a teammate move a mat, help clean my roommates side of the room, lend my parents money - when I know they won't be able to pay me back for quite some time…

These things put them above myself, and that lets them know that at some level I care about them. Some things say it louder than others. Some people when they hear the "actions speak louder than words," they think that they are talking about the silent treatment, but it goes beyond being mad at someone and how you handle that situation.

It's the little things… It is always the little things. They make up a relationship, because in the end, that is all you will really have. You won't have big exciting "first dates" every Friday, and you won't always have the opportunity to tell someone that you love them until maybe that night. However, if you are leaving for work before your spouse and you make the coffee, or take out the garbage because you know they are usually busy that morning and can't put it out. Those things are the things that say "I Love You!" louder than any time you could ever yell it to them…
Just a thought… that it's the little things that tell someone how you feel about them.

-Becca

The One About Fear

Ever since I was in eighth grade, I knew that I wanted to write. I was never sure if it would turn into a major, but I just knew that I enjoyed writing stories. I knew that I had a story to tell, one that was worth while, one that thanked people that needed to be thanked some in ways that only they would see, others would be made obvious. As high school went on, I was majorly considering what I wanted to do with my life and writing kept getting higher and higher up on my list. By my junior year I was in the cosmetology program at school, but I knew what I wanted to go to college for. I wanted to write books. That's it, just books.

Many times I have been told that a creative writing major is not a sensible major, that I'm not going to make any money. I would always brush it off, and say, "No i'm going to make it." I would always joke, telling my best friend in high school that the first million I make on my books goes to her. The second would go to my uncle… and although I would love to be extremely successful. The next Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Twilight, or Nicolas Sparks novel… but the odds are… it may not happen.

My Dad always told me to dream big, so I listened to him, and I did. Now I'm here in college, majoring in creative writing, hoping that one day I will be signing books and script writing for movies and casting young girls for the roles of Macy, Ivy, Jade, Corinne, and Tessa. I want so desperately to succeed at writing, because I know what would happen if I don't, my childhood would repeat itself, and honestly that is probably my worst fear.

It was a couple of days ago, Tuesday actually, I sat in my anthropology class as my professor went on to explain how much money people put into becoming a doctor, just to possibly not make that much money back. She was giving us numbers for the cost of school and how long, then she would give us numbers of how much they made, and how much money went towards malpractice insurance and so on. So out of curiosity the next day, I decided to look up the average income of authors, and the numbers I was seeing… gave me doubt.

For a minute I asked myself if switching my major was an option. No, it wasn't. What would I change it to? I haven't even thought about anything else for years. Yeah, I fancied the idea of being a forensic anthropologist, but honestly so many of the things anthropologists are taught, collide with my beliefs. To get a doctorate in it, would make my head spin. Besides that, what else have I really thought about doing? Nothing, I just want to write. I need to write. 

Although, as I woke up this morning I couldn't help but think about my most recent story that I am working on. As I was dealing with the struggles I was having with it, I just thought to myself, "how could you possibly think that you could give up your writing major?" 

My answer was simple. Fear. 

The fear that I wouldn't succeed. The fear that I wouldn't prove people wrong. Or I would prove certain people right. The fear that I would go through all this school, all these years of dreaming and talking about how I'm going sell al these books, and for none of it to really happen.

But what do I really have to fear? If God is really for me, then who can really stop me? Doesn't he command us to be strong and courageous and to not have any fear? 

Multiple times the bible references the idea of fear: 

"The LORD is my light and my salvation -- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"  Psalm 118:6

"You who fear him, trust the LORD -- he is their help and shield." Pslam 115:11

Then there are the verses about being courageous: 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 

After thinking about all those bible verses that came to mind when I realized the fear of not being successful came to mind, I thought about the life that I grew up with. 

No not my home life… the life I have had with my friends…

You're probably confused, but let me explain. 

In the corner of my best friend's dresser sat this little wooden model of Afghanistan. For many years we have known the reason why that model sat on her dresser. From a young age she had felt that God's call on her life was to eventually go to Afghanistan and be a missionary there. The idea sounds terrifying, especially knowing how women are treated over there! That and being a Christian!

On top of that, she is a worship major, which to a normal person does not sound very idealistic. The pay most likely isn't very high and the likelihood of being successful (at least for the average person - but she's not average at all…) is low. My other best friend, she's a music major. As in classical music, she will be performing for a living. That doesn't sound very idealistic either. She currently makes her money teaching ballet to little girls. Her boyfriend is also a music major… What on earth says that this is idealistic and leads immediately to success to the average person!? 

Absolutely nothing… 

The thing is that Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" If that's the promise that God has for us… then what is it that we have to fear? Why can't we chase our dreams of being concert musicians, worship leaders, authors, pastors, missionaries? 

We have nothing to fear in this life… as long as we have faith in God. 

And that's what I've learned this week. "Be strong and courageous, do not be frightened…" 

Until Next Time, 

Becca

Falling In Love With Your Best Friend

All the time society hears stories about people who have fallen in love with their best friends. Most married couples describe their relationship with their spouse as a friendship, “they are my best friend!” They tell everyone, and ultimately, isn’t that what a marriage or any romantic relationship is supposed to be like?

Isn’t the person you are married to supposed to be the person that you tell everything to? This person is supposed to know you inside and out, and according to the movie Fireproof, they are supposed to study you everyday until you have the equivalent of a college degree on your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.

This idea of falling in love with your best friend sounds fantastic doesn’t it!? It makes it sound like there is not much that goes into it. When I think about Chloe’s friendship, and mine it doesn’t seem like I have to put much effort into it, but it’s just the opposite. We put a lot of effort into it, but we often don’t notice the effort because we are having fun with each other during that time. 

Yes, there are those times when we have serious talks that requires effort of listening to their heart break, or giving advice when you have a thousand other things you should be focusing on instead, but even then, the greatest concern is helping out your friend. It’s easy to forget that what you are doing constitutes as effort.

So why is it that when we are in a romantic relationship with someone we stop listening? We say that we are supposed to fall in love with our best friend, but we don’t treat it like a friendship anymore. We think that once the fun, the flirting the cute first dates end and life steps in and starts to take over, we pack our bags and move on? It’s not what we do in our actual friendships, and it’s not what we expect our actual best friends to be there for us, and we are there for them. So why can’t we do the same thing in a romantic relationship with someone?

I think it’s because our expectations of falling in love with our best friend, is the same as if you were falling in love with that best friend that had been there for years. We expect the same amount of fun. We don’t expect to have to spend our time together running errands; we want to go to concerts and on picnics, go snow boarding and go to see movies all the time. We don’t think about those days that we may be snowed in, sick or pouring rain. How about the days when the car is broken down, or you are just completely out of energy?

Those days often aren’t the most fun, whether you are stuck inside and bored, or nursing your significant other back to health. It isn’t fun when they are in a rough spot, maybe losing their job, or have a lot of family pressure. It’s not always fun, but that’s what makes the relationship the best, and that’s what makes you their best friend. You stuck around when they were at their worst, you held them when they cried and was there for them when no body else was. That’s a relationship that happens to be between two best friends.

Falling in love with your best friend takes time, often times, its not all fun and games, and requires a lot of effort, but I think that’s the beauty of it. When I was in a relationship, he was my best friend and many times I would talk to him about what was going on. The things I told him were not things I shared with just anyone, and on multiple occasions I would call him and just ask him to come pick me up. “Get me out of here,” I would say crying to him on the phone. He wouldn’t even ask why, he would just say, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

However, like I said, the relationship takes work and effort. Many times when I just wanted someone to talk to during my senior year, he would be right there just one class period away and then I would see him again. Or when I got home I could quickly message him that I needed someone to talk to. When I left for college though, things changed. He had had a summer job that worked from 4 P.M. to 1:30 A.M. with scheduled break hours. Many times as our relationship was coming to a close, I really wanted to talk to him and not only was he forty-five minutes away in Ohio, and was busy at work, he couldn’t talk to me.

During that time, my best friend here, Katie would comfort me. She would be the person I would talk to. The gymnastics team was also there for me, some of the guys offered to take me out to taco bell and I would talk about the struggles of having a long distance relationship. There was one time I even stayed at their apartment until four in the morning because we were just having one of those intense talks about how harsh life could really be.

As time went on, I would often tell myself that my boyfriend was still my best friend (at least when it comes to the men in my life) but it was becoming obvious that he wasn’t. No matter how hard I tried to hold on, and tried to put effort into it, he was just not able to be there for me in the ways that he was before.

Our friendship had diminished a lot. I’m not saying that we weren’t friends anymore, there were times when we would Face Time and it was apparent that we had at one point been each other’s best friends, and were obviously still good friends. I took those Face Time sessions as confirmation that he was still my best friend at that time, trying to ignore the fact that he just… wasn’t here, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Even if I did call him crying and he answered, he would remain silent and I would only get an “I’m sorry?”

I made excuse after excuse for him, but the fact was… he wasn’t my best friend anymore. There was one night in particular, he was frustrating me, and everything he said put me on the edge. So I tried to make the day better by making amends with a long time friend whom I had not spoken to in months. That went south also, so when he finally called on his break, he didn’t really have much to say to me. In fact, I had other guy friends at the time that gave me hugs, and let me talk it out. I should have known at that point that our “best friend” status had fallen.

Shortly after that day, our relationship ended, and it was for the best. I now have some really great guy friends who are honestly so much better for me to be around. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, but these guys are better for me, and my emotional health.

So next time you go to say, “I’m in love with my best friend!” think about how much of the effort you really put into it? Is it a hassle or are you enjoying those boring days that you are staying inside and cuddling or taking care of your partner? Or is it like your relationship with your actual best friend (the one you aren’t in a relationship with)?

My relationship with my best friend, I would go to the store with her, and run errands all day, and we would still enjoy each other’s company, because when it comes down to it, she is my best friend and if that’s all the time I get with her and those are the only things we can do together, I’ll do it! It’s not about the boring days, its whether your romantic relationship is also a friendship and genuine, real friendship!

                                                                                                                                                                    

Somewhat going along with topic of being in love with your best friend, these are the people who got me through so much! That day that I called my boyfriend at the time crying, these are the ones that gave me the hugs, and let me talk it out. The girls are probably some of the coolest girls you will ever meet and they totally have your back all the time, and ready to give you advice or comfort you when you need it (depending on what's appropriate… sometimes you just need to hear the fact that calling him is not a good idea!) Then there are the guys in these pictures, they are awesome and some of the sweetest and most genuine guys you will ever meet! They truly care about the people in their lives and look for any way to be there for you or help you out in any situation! So thank you team! :)

The Team!

This guy has been a huge help, and he was there the day of the break-up. One of the first to know, and he was great it helping me get through it!

These two are seriously my two best friends at the gym :)

Halloween Party 

The whole team, I'm really gonna miss the people who are graduating, or have graduated… these guys are a second family to me…

The freshman at the first party of the year! 

Freshman for a team dinner!

My best friend and future roommate on campus! 

Freshman at our first meet… I love these guys so much!

This guy has just been there whether it's to give me a ride, or just… talk! Then to lay on me when I'm trying to sleep during a meet… haha

The girls <3

Then Mike gave me his coat because I looked cold… these are the types of guys to go after ladies! 

Until Next Time,

-Becca

"Some People Are Worth Melting For…"

Many people have seen the newest Disney movie, "Frozen." In the movie, the adorable character Olaf, the snowman, finally discovers what heat is while he is trying to save Princess Anna. When she notices him melting, she screams, "Olaf, you're melting!" and he simply answers, "some people are worth melting for."

When first hearing this phrase, you think, "awe, that's cute," and if you're like me, you related it to someone you would "melt" for. But what does it really mean, to melt for someone?

I think of it in these terms, willingly risking or sacrificing everything - maybe even your own life - for the betterment of someone else's life. In that case, everyone is worth melting for, right? Jesus died for everyone! So that must mean that everyone is worth melting for, right?

Wrong. Not everyone is worth melting for!

It is true that Jesus thinks that we are all worth dying for, and we all are, but to truly melt for someone could be taken in other terms than just dying to save someone else’s life. There are other ways to melt for people…

1.)   Being someone’s friend.

If they are a good friend but have bad morals that is one way to melt for someone. If you start compromising who you are to be friends with them, cheating, lying, stealing, swearing, drinking, sexual activities… you melt for that person. You are essentially sacrificing yourself for the betterment of them. Yes, being their friend may be great! However, if you start to notice that you are sliding, maybe it’s time to take a step back and re-think the real reason you are in that friendship. There are many times that the bible mentions instances where having someone who is bad company is not a good idea.

 “Don’t be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

“Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.” Proverbs 14:7 (People who don’t make the best decisions all the time!)

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” Proverbs 22:24-25 (This isn’t just with anger…)

2.)   Relationships

Dating someone who you know may not be the best for you. This includes non-believers! It may feel great to have that great relationship with a guy, and girls I know what you’re thinking, “I can change him!” No… you can’t. If he’s going to change, he will change on his own. Without your help, without you dating him. If he’s not a Christian and he really wants to date you, he will make himself available to you to allow himself the right to date you. He will make himself worthy of you!

Even if you aren’t a Christian, maybe you just don’t want to date someone who smokes, drinks, or something as simple as swearing. Still set those standards, if you have to, make it known that you won’t date them because of that…  they will change if you really want to date them.

And as a side note! If you start dating someone after they have stopped smoking, swearing, drinking or even became a Christian, and they change back… make it known that you have no problem ending the relationship if they don’t kick the habit, but don’t end it before they try again… sit down and talk about it.

Never lower any standards you have to hold onto someone who isn’t willing to make themselves worthy of you. This is another way of melting for someone. The idea of lowering your standards is like watching Olaf melt, as his little snowman head started to fall to the ground.

This is the common bible verse that many people know, and yes it is hard to follow, but for Christians… Please, for me… Stick to it! “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship as light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

I know that is disappointing, but like I said, if they really want you, they will do anything and everything to show you, change themselves for the better to make themselves worthy of you! (and to stay that way!)

Now don't get me wrong, there are people worth melting for! And this is a contradiction, but everyone is worth melting for… At. Some Point!

Now that I covered the bad ways to "melt" I can share the other key part about melting for someone. You see, the thing about melting is that if you melt for someone, they should also be able to freeze and mold you into something or someone better.

That’s what any positive relationship should be like. Melting into a liquid state and reforming back into something better.

What I mean is easily explained in a story.

Before I met my best friend, I was shy, quiet, not able to stand up for myself and if it wasn’t for my best friend, I would not have gotten through all I have. Through our years of friendship, she melted me. We got down into the wet mess that we may call our past, we become liquid state – sometimes literally through tears – as we explained things that we wouldn’t tell many people. However, once we were done explaining all the bad stuff, we explained the hurt and pain, and all the “dirty laundry” that everyone has, but pretends that they don’t. Once we were done with that, we started a healing process together.

In doing this healing, we used our friendship to get together, grow in God’s word. We set our dating standards together, we became each other’s accountability partners, even for things that we never struggled with, because we didn’t want it to become a struggle.

If our friendship were to end for some reason, maybe we lose contact, or our lives just become completely different, she still would be leaving me in better shape than when she found me. Now I’m a little bit more outgoing, I can be loud, obnoxious, and I have those verses that we studied together, and those standards that we set. That is someone worth melting for!

I had a best friend (not the same one) that I had miscommunication with, and unfortunately the friendship had to end. However, she was worth melting for, because we shared everything. She was one person that melted me down, and rebuilt and froze me again into someone I would want to be. Although she hurt me and it seemed at the time that maybe she wasn't worth melting for, I look back and see now that she was still worth melting for.

I hope I’m making my point.

There is one last thing I want to share though…

I have been really open about my relationship with Tyler, how it began and things that I may not be proud of… So I am going to be open about it again.

When it comes to determining whether or not he was worth melting for… it’s hard to say. He did melt me down; he knew every dirty detail I could possibly hide. He knew everything about me, and yet he still looked at me after I told him all of it and said, “I don’t care, I still love you…” Together we grew and worked on our healing together as friends, and as boyfriend and girlfriend. I had melted for him completely, and he was building me back up, he made me want to be a better person, brought out that side of me. A side I didn’t know I had. That is a relationship worth melting for!

However, the second time around with our relationship, I melted. In the same way, I gave him all the dirty details when he had forgotten and he said the same things. He was there for me, building me up, but also tearing me right back down. But I had also started melting in a bad way. I compromised my morals for him, and while I was melting that way, I was melting by sharing my whole heart with him. If there was something I was worried about, I would tell him, but as the relationship went on, there was no building me back up. We couldn't even turn to the bible together because he wasn't a Christian! I couldn't tell him what God was doing in my life because he didn't want to hear it…

On top of that, if we went too far, and I said that it couldn’t happen again, he would groan and almost pout about it, making me feel bad. He would then freeze me again by freezing me out and not coming to visit, so when I froze it was not into something that was better. It’s not like he was making me into a better snowman, he was leaving me as a pile of ugly muddy melting snow that keeps melting and re-freezing. It was like frozen rain on a sidewalk, that would freeze, then melt and freeze again. This is not good, that's not healthy!

All in all, melting for someone can be a very positive thing, as long as you are doing it right. It’s like giving a testimony in church, you share all the dirty details, only to get all the feedback from people who were touched, inspired, and moved by your story. You melted to build someone back up, and by them telling you that it affected them in a positive way; they are re-freezing you into someone better, someone with confidence in God’s word and what he’s doing in your life!

It’s true, some people are worth melting for, just make sure you are melting in the right ways, and for the right people. Some people, you will melt for, only to have them hurt you… but what was the final result? If it is good, they were worth melting for.

If it was a bad result… well… lesson learned.

The key is to not compromise your standards and melt for someone who doesn't deserve every drop of you, but to figure out who it is that fit your standards and deserves you enough before you melt for them, and then trust them to refreeze you into something better.