Behind the Scenes: Falling In Love With Your Best Friend

All the time society hears stories about people who have fallen in love with their best friends. Most married couples describe their relationship with their spouse as a friendship, “they are my best friend!” They tell everyone, and ultimately, isn’t that what a marriage or any romantic relationship is supposed to be like?

Isn’t the person you are married to supposed to be the person that you tell everything to? This person is supposed to know you inside and out, and according to the movie Fireproof, they are supposed to study you everyday until you have the equivalent of a college degree on your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.

This idea of falling in love with your best friend sounds fantastic doesn’t it!? It makes it sound like there is not much that goes into it. When I think about Chloe’s friendship, and mine it doesn’t seem like I have to put much effort into it, but it’s just the opposite. We put a lot of effort into it, but we often don’t notice the effort because we are having fun with each other during that time.

Yes, there are those times when we have serious talks that requires effort of listening to their heart break, or giving advice when you have a thousand other things you should be focusing on instead, but even then, the greatest concern is helping out your friend. It’s easy to forget that what you are doing constitutes as effort.

So why is it that when we are in a romantic relationship with someone we stop listening? We say that we are supposed to fall in love with our best friend, but we don’t treat it like a friendship anymore. We think that once the fun, the flirting the cute first dates end and life steps in and starts to take over, we pack our bags and move on? It’s not what we do in our actual friendships, and it’s not what we expect our actual best friends to be there for us, and we are there for them. So why can’t we do the same thing in a romantic relationship with someone?

I think it’s because our expectations of falling in love with our best friend, is the same as if you were falling in love with that best friend that had been there for years. We expect the same amount of fun. We don’t expect to have to spend our time together running errands; we want to go to concerts and on picnics, go snow boarding and go to see movies all the time. We don’t think about those days that we may be snowed in, sick or pouring rain. How about the days when the car is broken down, or you are just completely out of energy?

Those days often aren’t the most fun, whether you are stuck inside and bored, or nursing your significant other back to health. It isn’t fun when they are in a rough spot, maybe losing their job, or have a lot of family pressure. It’s not always fun, but that’s what makes the relationship the best, and that’s what makes you their best friend. You stuck around when they were at their worst, you held them when they cried and was there for them when no body else was. That’s a relationship that happens to be between two best friends.

Falling in love with your best friend takes time, often times, its not all fun and games, and requires a lot of effort, but I think that’s the beauty of it. When I was in a relationship, he was my best friend and many times I would talk to him about what was going on. The things I told him were not things I shared with just anyone, and on multiple occasions I would call him and just ask him to come pick me up. “Get me out of here,” I would say crying to him on the phone. He wouldn’t even ask why, he would just say, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

However, like I said, the relationship takes work and effort. Many times when I just wanted someone to talk to during my senior year, he would be right there just one class period away and then I would see him again. Or when I got home I could quickly message him that I needed someone to talk to. When I left for college though, things changed. He had had a summer job that worked from 4 P.M. to 1:30 A.M. with scheduled break hours. Many times as our relationship was coming to a close, I really wanted to talk to him and not only was he forty-five minutes away in Ohio, and was busy at work, he couldn’t talk to me.

During that time, my best friend here, Katie would comfort me. She would be the person I would talk to. The gymnastics team was also there for me, some of the guys offered to take me out to taco bell and I would talk about the struggles of having a long distance relationship. There was one time I even stayed at their apartment until four in the morning because we were just having one of those intense talks about how harsh life could really be.

As time went on, I would often tell myself that my boyfriend was still my best friend (at least when it comes to the men in my life) but it was becoming obvious that he wasn’t. No matter how hard I tried to hold on, and tried to put effort into it, he was just not able to be there for me in the ways that he was before.

Our friendship had diminished a lot. I’m not saying that we weren’t friends anymore, there were times when we would Face Time and it was apparent that we had at one point been each other’s best friends, and were obviously still good friends. I took those Face Time sessions as confirmation that he was still my best friend at that time, trying to ignore the fact that he just… wasn’t here, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Even if I did call him crying and he answered, he would remain silent and I would only get an “I’m sorry?”

I made excuse after excuse for him, but the fact was… he wasn’t my best friend anymore. There was one night in particular, he was frustrating me, and everything he said put me on the edge. So I tried to make the day better by making amends with a long time friend whom I had not spoken to in months. That went south also, so when he finally called on his break, he didn’t really have much to say to me. In fact, I had other guy friends at the time that gave me hugs, and let me talk it out. I should have known at that point that our “best friend” status had fallen.

Shortly after that day, our relationship ended, and it was for the best. I now have some really great guy friends who are honestly so much better for me to be around. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, but these guys are better for me, and my emotional health.

So next time you go to say, “I’m in love with my best friend!” think about how much of the effort you really put into it? Is it a hassle or are you enjoying those boring days that you are staying inside and cuddling or taking care of your partner? Or is it like your relationship with your actual best friend (the one you aren’t in a relationship with)?

My relationship with my best friend, I would go to the store with her, and run errands all day, and we would still enjoy each other’s company, because when it comes down to it, she is my best friend and if that’s all the time I get with her and those are the only things we can do together, I’ll do it! It’s not about the boring days, its whether your romantic relationship is also a friendship and genuine, real friendship!

Somewhat going along with topic of being in love with your best friend, these are the people who got me through so much! That day that I called my boyfriend at the time crying, these are the ones that gave me the hugs, and let me talk it out. The girls are probably some of the coolest girls you will ever meet and they totally have your back all the time, and ready to give you advice or comfort you when you need it (depending on what's appropriate… sometimes you just need to hear the fact that calling him is not a good idea!) Then there are the guys in these pictures, they are awesome and some of the sweetest and most genuine guys you will ever meet! They truly care about the people in their lives and look for any way to be there for you or help you out in any situation! So thank you team! :)