Friendships

Sunday I went to church, and I felt as if every bit of happiness had been sucked out of me. I didn’t know why, but I felt like once again, I had hit a point in my life where I had gone numb. I couldn’t feel stressed because I was numb; a guy couldn’t break my heart (if I were in a relationship) because I was numb. Although I can guarantee that I have been feeling enough physical pain over the last couple of weeks, I wasn’t feeling anything. No highs, no lows.

I left church feeling better, but I still was not sure why I was feeling the way that I did. I was constantly surrounded by two of my best friends at Eastern, Katie and Becca. I was always hanging out with Dave, and had gymnastics three days a week, and often times we spent time together outside of the gym.

Over the course of that Sunday, I spent it studying, and editing a poorly written story for class. Then studying some more, then editing some more. As I spent the day hard at work on my to-do list, I kept getting text messages from two group messages that I had. The first was between Becca (one of my roommates) Katie (my other roommate) and I. The second group message was between my best friend group back home, Chloe, Sophia, Ellie and I.

For a while it seemed that I had forgotten about that group text, as if the only group text I had was between Katie, Becca and I. So I would inform them on random things like when I saw an unidentified human being, Becca would then ask me, “if you had to take a guess, was it a male or female?” Funny things like that was what popped up in my everyday life. It was funny, and random.

As I sat and looked at this group message between Sophia, Chloe, Ellie and I, I read text messages of asking for prayer in certain situations and circumstances in our lives. We talked about meeting lead singers of bands, and when we got a new piercing. Even though these messages were rare, it kind of defined our friendship, and I realized that was something that I missed. Although we didn’t talk every day, we didn’t send those random messages, we messaged each other about what we needed the most, or the biggest thing that just happened in our lives.

I can’t explain it, this type of friendship is something rare, but I realized that it was something that I needed more of. It is not just prayer when something bad happens between roommates. It is not just prayer when you are in pain at practices. It’s prayer when you’re upset, or have a big test. It’s venting when you are stressed out, and making sure everything is okay between the four of us. It’s asking for advice when you can’t find a sub for work, but you have already paid for the trip. It’s those little intimate things in life that what people want, and need out of relationships.

It’s those friendships that come, and never leave. The ones that you trust with anything and everything. It's the ones that you can vent with, and be on the same page, the ones that try to understand, even when they know they never will. Those are the types of friendships that I crave for, those are the types of friendships I have with those four wonderful women. 

Back to School Update!

As I have had the first full week of classes, have re-started my job, and am drenched in homework, I wanted to take a quick break from work, school and gymnastics to post about what it has been like, moving into my first apartment with two other girls, being vice president of the gymnastics club, and moving away from Mom and Dad for the second time in my life.

The planned trip started off kind of… undecided. However, I did not panic. I figured God had everything under control, besides, I was very independent and I would get the job done just fine however, it would take a little bit longer than it would with help.

The day before the big move, I was coincidentally in the middle of writing my blog post about the joys of being single. I had turned off all cellular data on my phone since I had gone over on my data plan, but I felt that maybe I should check Facebook one last time. As soon as I turned on my cellular data, I got notifications from my friend, Ethan, whom I had asked to help me move in. I was expecting the message to say that there was no way that he could help, and that he was sorry. However, it was the complete opposite! He had even gotten other guys to help me move!

The summer of blessings was going to end with more blessings from these amazing young men. As about 2:45 hit, we were on the road and typically I turn up whatever song is playing and sing at the top of my lungs, but for once, I had someone there to talk to. So instead I turned the music down, so that it would be in the back ground and enjoyed a nice hour-long conversation.

Although my Dad and Jeremiah ended up getting off on the wrong exit, and we had to wait for a while for them to find Washtenaw Avenue and get back to Ypsilanti, the journey up there went very smoothly.

As I finally found the street, I accidently passed my driveway, ended up having to go in a circle, and went for a second try. As I came around the corner, I saw one of my roommates – and best friends – Katie, whom I had not seen all summer! As soon as I parked, I ran and gave her a hug. She gave me the information I needed to know about moving in, grabbed my keys from my landlord, moved the truck closer, and the boys got to work!

Not once did I hear any of the guys complain about the amount of stairs or how hot it was. Actually, they were singing worship music in the hallways as they were lifting heavy pieces, it was great to hear and great to experience. Three guys dropped what they were doing to help my Dad and I out, to make the move easier. Not many guys would do that, and without complaint, plus not many guys would be singing the whole time as well.

They also put my bed together, somewhat organized some boxes, and then when it was all done we sat down and talked. Before they left, I suggested that we pray. We prayed over my Dad’s back, and then they prayed over me. This apartment was completely blessed and prayed for before I even had my first night!

They all gave me hugs, and said their goodbyes, and that was it. I had a three-bedroom apartment to myself for the night, it was weird, but I spent my first night meeting up with some teammates at Tower Inn.

The days that followed were spent putting things together, and team poster making. It was really nice to have the team back together but for some reason something felt different, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that had changed. As I was walking back from Tower Inn once again, talking with Danny, I started to describe what had happened this summer. As I was talking, I realized that I was the thing that changed. I knew that I had changed, but I didn’t think I would actually feel different when I finally reached Ypsilanti again.

When I finished describing my summer in vague details, he nodded in understanding at my reasoning for breaking off our “talking” at the beginning of the summer. As I got back to my room, I thought about everything that had happened this summer, all the days that lead to me being here. The Becca that came back to Ypsilanti this August was not the same Becca that had left Ypsilanti and started heading home every weekend in April.

As the first day of classes came, so did the first day of practice, and everything eventually came with it’s own problems. I ended up switching my science credits, which were then in the way for my job, so I had to switch them again. My books were behind, so I was already getting behind in some of my classes, and when it came to gymnastics, I had seriously considered retiring, no matter how good it felt to flip once again.

I had gotten back in the gym the first day of classes, and I had literally lost the ability to do almost my whole bar routine. I was once again scared of up-rises, which I have had some major wipeouts on. I was no longer strong enough to set up for my release, let alone flexible enough to get my feet through, and my arms were so weak that I couldn’t even push myself against the bar to try and get the height to let go and catch it again. I was extremely frustrated and feeling unbelievably defeated. Along with being weak, and inflexible, came the long days of being sore, and gaining my strength back. Things hurt, which hindered my ability to try to get my skills back without pulling muscles, it seemed like weeks were passing, and I was getting no where.

Everyday I was in the gym; I spent an hour not working on gymnastics specifically. I would condition for a half hour and then stretch down in hopes of becoming more flexible. Slowly I started to see the results I wanted. My legs were getting more toned, my stomach was always in pain, and I could rarely move my arms past normal positions. It was great! Now about three weeks into school, I have about 90 percent of my bar routine back and about 75 percent of my strength back, but I’m not going to stop!

Another thing that came along with college was memorizing your schedule. Three out of the four days I have classes, I find that I am up before my alarm goes off at 8:01. This gives me time to eat, brush my teeth and do some homework before I go off to class. Every Tuesday and Thursday, without fail, I find myself laying in bed for a good ten minutes contemplating whether or not it would be harmful to myself if I skipped Literature class. I actually think this through, “I would get to sleep a little bit longer, I would have time to do more homework, and I might actually get to do my hair for once…” But somehow I am always up and eating breakfast by eight-thirty.  

Wednesdays are my rough days. I wake up at 8:01 and drag myself out of bed, to get ready for a three-hour lab, for a general educations class that I could care less about. I am typically good at biology, but when I spend more time on biology than I do my major… I start to get frustrated. I go from lab, to my biology lecture, which is held in an auditorium, that is hot, and I can never read my professors handwriting. I’ll be honest, I find myself snap-chatting very often when I am in his class, also people seem to always want to text me between 12:30 and 1:45. After biology, I finally get to do some hands on work once again, and I drag all of my (Dave’s) supplies over to Roosevelt to take a class that is a potential double major, or my minor.

That leads me to my apparel class. My professor is awesome, and she explains many things very well. I understand what she is saying, but she shows three different seams at once and when I get back to my sewing machine I go blank and end up asking Dave or Rachel for help. I have found that it is a blessing to have them in class. It also gives us time to talk about the club, outside of club times, and gives me some people to talk to while I am trying to sew in straight lines. Dave has also come in handy on the one day when it was pouring rain. The apartment really isn’t that far from Roosevelt, but when you’re carrying paper and fabric, it might as well be miles for a walk. Dave came to my rescue and gave me a quick lift home. For that I am grateful!

Wednesdays, although busy, have also been nice because the three musketeers are reunited every Wednesday. Katie, Mason and I were close at the beginning of last year, and were the three honorary freshmen. We had dinner together after almost every practice, and became friends very quickly. Mason though, has decided this year, to only come to Wednesday night practices. So naturally, last Wednesday, we invited him over and we had a lot of fun just enjoying each other’s company, listening to potential floor music and cracking jokes every other minute.

Over the first couple of weeks, I have also been given the opportunity to live up the party life twice. I realized though the first time that although I had changed many times throughout this last year, that was the one thing that did not change. I hate partying. There is nothing more that needs to be said about it. I was the designated driver for a night when the team went out to a club, and on the way home I didn’t know how to get back, so I was getting directions from five extremely drunk, and extremely tired people. That was awful. They all thought that I hated them when we got back to Grace’s apartment, and I would have if it wasn’t for them apologizing a thousand times because they knew that they were being annoying. The following weekend, I experienced something similar when I went out with my two roommates Becca and Katie. By the end of our weekend together, instead of dancing to Taylor Swift’s new song, I curled up in a ball and fell asleep on the sofa until they were ready to leave. I was not a fan of drinking, smoking or the late night. I just wanted sleep. (Don’t get me wrong, I love those girls, but at that moment, all I wanted was sleep and I was uncomfortable in the party scene).

I have also found that all I have time for recently is homework. Creative writing or biology is what mostly takes up my time. Either I am working on an old story for class, and revising it or I’m reading a new poem and working on a new poem/story for the same class, or I am reading some sort of biology homework. It’s a never-ending cycle, and I constantly feel behind. In the midst of all the homework, there is the typical drama that happens in the apartment, in the gym and… anywhere really. I have found that when you’re in the middle of all that drama, it is really good to call a friend, take a step back and get their perspective on the situation.

Two Sunday’s ago, my sister called me and we talked for two hours about the events that were taking place in our separate lives and filling me in on what I was missing back home. She told me that my friend, Gela, had taken her in and invited her out to lunch with the group. She gave me so many details and we talked and talked and talked. It was nice. She has a childlike faith and it is awesome!

After that some things went down in the apartment and it seemed as though there was some tension. I told them that if I was mad at them, I would tell them straight up, “I’m mad at you and this is why.” But I never did, so my silence, and I taking a day or two to figure out how I felt about the situation confused Becca and Katie. After talking with my two best friends, my sister, mom and Gela, I felt a peace like never before, and suddenly the tension was over. It was also really cool because I told my sister what had happened. Instead of feeling defeated by the news that I had shared with her, she just texted me and said, “I’m not worried about it. God has a plan, and it doesn’t change anything!” Her faith is amazing!

I had also talked to Chloe about the situation that I had experienced between Becca, Katie and I. Since she was not in on the situation, she could look at it from a different perspective. She challenged me to get into the word more, and just fix my eyes on God. With that, all direction and wisdom would come. It was awesome talking to her; she is such a joy and encouragement in my life!

That also leads me to church. Last year, I had tried a group on campus called University Christian Fellowship. It is the Chi Alpha group on campus. While things were going down with Tyler last year, I found that it was not necessary to continue going to church, especially when I didn’t like being there anyway. So I stopped going to church while at school. (That is a huge part of my testimony… but I’ll get to that some other time!)

So this year, I was greatly encouraged to get back into the Chi Alpha group. So I did. I knew when I walked in that I would get some strange looks, I had been there before, but it had almost been a year since. As the services went on, I got a lot of “it’s good to have you back.” I also got reacquainted with Pastor Sarah, who is now expecting twins – yay! I also met some awesome people, and went to the cookout the first day. It really was a blessing, and it was good to be back with the ministry.

The last thing that I have to talk about is Work. Work work work work work. This last summer I spent long eight hour shifts carrying heavy loads of clothing, talking to strangers about nonsense, stabbing my fingers, constantly cutting myself and on my feet all day. I could say that it sucked, but I loved the people that I worked with, so I typically enjoyed my job. Although now I am back in Ypsi, it is back to smelly, sweaty kids, heavy kids and equipment and early Saturday mornings.

Today was the first day officially back. I had subbed on Monday, for a class I had no clue on where they were when it came to their skills. I didn’t even know the schedule, and the previous Friday, we had literally spent the whole day moving equipment from the YMCA to Adam’s elementary school. It was a long day, but today was the first day back at the Ypsi program. This time was different than last time though. The program takes place at an elementary school, so we keep our mats stacked in a closet and have to pull them out and set it up a half hour before classes start. However, this year they decided that they were going to move where we stored the mats. When we got back to the school, and started to pull out the mats, there were circles and squares of damp wet spaces.

Our mats were wet!

For anyone who does not know about gymnastics equipment, it is very expensive and is typically not supposed to be in a damp area. Our roll out floor had soaked up all the moisture and so had our panel mats, much longer in that closet, and they could have been ruined. Long story short, we got our original closet back.

The group of kids was pretty decent this session as well. Last session we were able to help the girls who were weakest, by pushing them, and they had improved so much! I’m hoping to do the same for these six groups that we have coming in! It was so good to be back, and to stretch with the kids, get reacquainted with them, tell of funny stories, and ask how their summers went. I have definitely missed my job, and missed my awesome coworker, and the staff at the school who consistently help us, (and give us juice and snacks on our early Saturday mornings). I know the program blesses the kids and I am so blessed to be able to be a part of it!

Besides the usual, that is most of what life has been like now that I have moved back. There have already been some ups and downs. Days when I definitely needed my friends there for me, and days when I needed my mom or sister more than anyone else in the world, but that is all a part of life!

There are a couple of things that I have come to accept or learn through this stage of my life:

1.)  It may be a while before I can finally go grocery shopping without calling one of my parents to ask what a reasonable price is for a certain food.

2.)  My room will always be a mess on days that I have class. It’s just a given. Books are everywhere, homework is everywhere, and so are gym, work and school cloths.

3.)  Laundry is always avoidable… until you run out of cloths (but it adds to number two).

4.)  Cooking dinner and lunch is always a hassle. Especially when you run out of something…

5.)  The growing process in writing is extremely painful. My teacher is right about that.

6.)  God has a plan, but people have free will.

7.)  My printers’ wifi only works when I’m not in the same room as my printer.

8.)  I’m never going to be happy with Once Upon A Time

9.)  I’m never going to get ahead in homework.

10.)                 I like communication classes

11.)                 #KatieQuotes make my day.

12.)                 Wednesdays truly are “hump day” get past Wednesday and your week is going to be just fine!

13.)                 It’s hard not wearing your favorite leotard every week.

14.)                 Your relationships with your siblings and parents get stronger when you leave.

15.)                 God never stops working!

16.)                 It’s easy to shut off feelings, but not recommended.

17.)                 The apartment will always be cold in the mornings.

18.)                 Conditioning is now always necessary (whereas last year I avoided it often).

19.)                 People come and go in your life. Sometimes it’s for the best, often times, it may take a moment to step back and say, “not now.”  When you are able to do that is when you start to grow.

20.)                 Above all, embrace the change! I hate change, but it’s always happening, and it’s not avoidable, so take advantage of it!

Here are some photos for some idea's of what's been happening!

Mason, Katie and I, at Tower Inn on Karaoke night. This years theme song? Love Shack… (No, the video will never be posted to Facebook if I have a say in it.)

The team at Fajita Fest!

Poster Board Making in my room with the team!

Spending Labor Day with the Lovely Schmitz Family (plus Lydia and Caleb)

Team Dinner after Fajita fest. This guy was awesome and gave me a ride. (He is still single ladies!) 

Hanging Around with my best friend. 

Our hands after the first practice #RAW

My time with my sister is always limited. She FaceTimed me for five seconds one day, before the wifi went out. All she told me was, "if you find someone following you, call the cops!" #Creepy #YpsiTheKlown?

Necto Night With the Ladies (There will be a post about this night coming!)

Photo Bombing (other) Becca's phone… She then saved it and put in on Instagram (Please don't go check it out)

Talegating with these two beauties. Matching in our grey Eastern T-shirts, as Eastern got slaughtered by MSU

First day of classes! 

And that is officially it, you have been fully updated!

Until Next Time,

-Becca

Expectations of (Christian) Men

Yet again I have been putting off the blog post where I update everyone on my everyday life, and what it was like to move up here to my first apartment as a sophomore in college with my first car and the first time really having a room all to myself. There was also the difficulty of figuring out how to do this task with my Dad and his back pain, a working Mom, working myself, only one large working car, only two licensed drivers in the family and everything else that came with it. In the midst of that chaos, I found myself presented with blessing after blessing and was also presented with opportunities that only God could have orchestrated, and that is all I can say about that for now. 

Since then, I have come back to college and one thing that I have noticed between short conversations over text messages with my sister, talking with my two roommates, conversations I hear in the gym and stories from the past or over the summer; I have found one common thing in all of this. 

Expectance. 

Specifically as women we expect a lot out of everything from our friends and our future husbands to life in general. However, one thing that I have learned is not to expect too much in any situation. Sure we all have our ideas of big days, women will plan their wedding day down to the very minute, but something typically goes wrong or someone doesn't act the way that we expected them to. 

But even in our every day lives, I want to pin point one area that most women (as I have noticed) expect way too much. This area is with men. 

Before everyone goes off about how men NEED to act all chivalrous and be our knights in shinning armor, just hear me out. As women we get mad if the men that we have noticed don't message us back right away, or call to ask how we are doing. Also if they can't help us out on a specific day, we are disappointed in them, or maybe you went on that first date and you expected him to kiss you at the end, and it never happened… then you are disappointed in yourself for hoping for that special moment, disappointed that it didn't happen, and then mad at them for not getting the hint.  

Now, since my one and only real relationship was… complicated to say the least, I can see why girls could get mad when their boyfriend doesn't kiss them when they say goodbye. I can see why they would get mad when the guy ignores the text messages you send, because it can get frustrating. I see that, I know that and I have experienced that. However, I don't think that those should be our expectations of men. 

We have these expectations of them based off of what their human actions are, and I have heard from so many guys that they just don't think about the little things, and they definitely don't over analyze the situation as most women do. So what should we base our expectations on instead of their human actions? I have come up with three things that I expect out of any Christian guy, no matter their relationship with me whether it is being an acquaintance, a teammate, friend or potential romantic partner. 

First: Honor God

I have a friend back home, Gela, who often times reminds me of someone who honors God in everything that she does or says. Just being around her most times reminds me that when my mind is focused on getting a certain task done, I have to take a step back and ask myself if that is really something that God wants me to do.  Often times it was obvious that her heart and mind were focused on Jesus all the time, and my mind was off in my own world just wanting things to finally come together faster than they really should. However, after spending some time with her, having her pray over me, and just encourage me in my walk with God, it became clear that I had to fix my eyes on Jesus and let him work through my life. Through him, I would start honoring him with my words and actions, and in turn I would start to see him working at what he had promised me.

So when it comes to Christian men I do expect them to honor God in everything they do, and says as well. This can be a long and painful task when they first start to allow the change in them to take over and let God work in their lives, and to mold them into that kind of man. I also know, and are aware that every person has his or her own struggles. However, Jesus has already over come sin and that sin has been defeated, so as long as they are relying on God to give them a mindset that is God-focused, then they are already victorious.  So when someone has a God-focused mindset it can become very easy to honor him in everything they do or say, they just have to allow God to change them into someone who wants to honor God in every aspect of their lives.

It can also be easy to point out the people who honor God every minute of their daily lives; you will notice it in their character, and the way they speak if you bring up conflicting topics. I have noticed that this part of their character stands out because of their mindset and the way they think is so God-centered. If you find someone that honors God in their words and actions, you may ask them a question about a conflict and you might expect their response to be, “well that’s why I don’t talk to them anymore,” in harsh tones with some resentment behind it. However, their actual response may sound more like, “ I do what God tells me to do, and don’t worry about others opinions on the subject,” and leaves that topic of conversation at rest. In doing this, they don’t talk badly about another person, they don’t propel the problem, and they are clearly telling the truth when they say that they don’t worry about others opinions on the situation. If they did worry, they would have continued to talk about the problem.

Second: Listen To God

This one can sound simple, but it’s not. Many times over the summer, God told me something and I thought that maybe I was just going crazy, or it was my own mind making things up. I’m sure God laughed, because as the summer went on he made himself more and more known to me through other people, and also confirmed on numerous occasions that it was his voice I had heard, not my own conscience.

Someone who listens to God is aware of his voice and listens for it practically non-stop. It isn’t just during life groups when they are praying over you, but it is in daily tasks and routines where you just hear this small voice. If you are growing in some sort of relationship with a person who truly listens for God’s voice, it will again be obvious that they do so as you begin to learn more about them, (and it’s awesome to watch and experience while growing in that relationship).

Third: Obeying Gods Commands

Listening is one thing, but actually doing what God tells you to do is another. Sometimes it can be terrifying, asking a stranger if they need prayer, or going door to door, maybe even giving someone a word. Recently this summer when God was making himself known to me, people were giving me words left and right. Then near the end of the summer, he told me to give a word to someone else.

Although God had been speaking directly to me, telling, promising and revealing things to me, I had never been told to tell someone something. This terrified me. Honestly I was just at the gas station thinking about life groups, and how much I craved some chocolate when I heard it. I’m sure God was frustrated with me because multiple times he told me to tell this person and I didn’t. When opportunities ran out, I got home, took the dog on a nice long sniff (walk) and no matter how much I turned up my music God just kept pressing in saying “tell him.”

So I did, and I was terrified of being wrong. Not much longer after I sent the message I received a response back saying that it was something that person was waiting for and it applied to their lives. It is awful, and scary at first, I know that, but the results are awesome and incredibly rewarding!

…

Now that I have explained a little bit of each expectation, along with a little story to go with it, I want to explain why I expect only those things out of men, and nothing more. If they are truly doing those three things, honoring God, listening and obeying then they are literally walking with God every day. I am not saying that as a woman, you won’t be disappointed that he didn’t open the door every time you walk through it, but I am saying that it isn’t something that we should expect out of him.

Those tiny gestures are not what make him someone who is reliable and trust worthy. If they are honoring God, they can be trusted because they would not do anything that dishonors God. I have also brought this up before in a previous post, but if you think, “Well, God told me he’s the one, but he’s talking to that other girl…” don’t worry about it. If he is truly listening for God’s voice and obeying God, he won’t miss you and chose someone else. He may not see you as the woman he is going to marry just yet, but maybe that is because God has to do some work in him first. Just be patient.

Along with those tiny gestures that we expect out of men, like I said, not all men think about doing those things. Often times if we expect those gestures out of them, we are going to be disappointed many times during that friendship, relationship, or whatever it is. Many times, if I am disappointed in a man that I am friend with (or in any type of relationship with them) I look back and ask myself, “why are you disappointed with him?” Because he didn’t… At that point I have check. Does he honor God? Yes. Does he listen to God? Yes. Does he obey God? Yes. So maybe if his actions didn’t meet my expectations, I was expecting too much out of him. Maybe he didn’t do what I expected him to because it wasn’t God’s timing or… there could be a thousand more reasons. However, if he his truly listening to God, and obeying him, his actions will follow God’s leading.

The last thing that I want to point out is that just because I expect those three things out of men, does not mean that I expect them to fit my dating standards as well. The point of the dating standards is to notice the one man that actually fits them all, not to make every guy that I have some sort of relationship with, fit them. This can also be where woman expect too much out of men, they expect that since they put the standards that high, that every guy should act like that. However, if every guy were to fit those standards, having the standards would then be pointless.

Not only do I expect those things out of men, but I also expect them out of myself as well. The girl that left Ypsilanti this last spring, was not the same girl that came back this fall, and I don’t plan on going back to the person I was at the end of the year last year. I want to continue to grow, honor God, listen for his voice and obey him when I hear him speak. If I am doing so, I cannot step out of his will for my life, and I believe that he is faithful in his promises!

On that note when it comes to God’s promises, I received a little gift from my sister the other day. Along with it came a little note that said, that when I miss the little things at home, such as Dayspring, and my life group, I could look back on it and remember of what God promised me, and his plan for my life. She is one of few people that know my full testimony and story, but she completely believes in it and encourages me to remember it everyday. Maybe someday I’ll post my whole testimony, but for now, it was really cool that she did that for me. What a blessing in my life! Just remember that God keeps his promises, and do yourself a favor and don’t expect too much out of people to avoid disappointment.

-Becca