Expectations of (Christian) Men

Yet again I have been putting off the blog post where I update everyone on my everyday life, and what it was like to move up here to my first apartment as a sophomore in college with my first car and the first time really having a room all to myself. There was also the difficulty of figuring out how to do this task with my Dad and his back pain, a working Mom, working myself, only one large working car, only two licensed drivers in the family and everything else that came with it. In the midst of that chaos, I found myself presented with blessing after blessing and was also presented with opportunities that only God could have orchestrated, and that is all I can say about that for now. 

Since then, I have come back to college and one thing that I have noticed between short conversations over text messages with my sister, talking with my two roommates, conversations I hear in the gym and stories from the past or over the summer; I have found one common thing in all of this. 

Expectance. 

Specifically as women we expect a lot out of everything from our friends and our future husbands to life in general. However, one thing that I have learned is not to expect too much in any situation. Sure we all have our ideas of big days, women will plan their wedding day down to the very minute, but something typically goes wrong or someone doesn't act the way that we expected them to. 

But even in our every day lives, I want to pin point one area that most women (as I have noticed) expect way too much. This area is with men. 

Before everyone goes off about how men NEED to act all chivalrous and be our knights in shinning armor, just hear me out. As women we get mad if the men that we have noticed don't message us back right away, or call to ask how we are doing. Also if they can't help us out on a specific day, we are disappointed in them, or maybe you went on that first date and you expected him to kiss you at the end, and it never happened… then you are disappointed in yourself for hoping for that special moment, disappointed that it didn't happen, and then mad at them for not getting the hint.  

Now, since my one and only real relationship was… complicated to say the least, I can see why girls could get mad when their boyfriend doesn't kiss them when they say goodbye. I can see why they would get mad when the guy ignores the text messages you send, because it can get frustrating. I see that, I know that and I have experienced that. However, I don't think that those should be our expectations of men. 

We have these expectations of them based off of what their human actions are, and I have heard from so many guys that they just don't think about the little things, and they definitely don't over analyze the situation as most women do. So what should we base our expectations on instead of their human actions? I have come up with three things that I expect out of any Christian guy, no matter their relationship with me whether it is being an acquaintance, a teammate, friend or potential romantic partner. 

First: Honor God

I have a friend back home, Gela, who often times reminds me of someone who honors God in everything that she does or says. Just being around her most times reminds me that when my mind is focused on getting a certain task done, I have to take a step back and ask myself if that is really something that God wants me to do.  Often times it was obvious that her heart and mind were focused on Jesus all the time, and my mind was off in my own world just wanting things to finally come together faster than they really should. However, after spending some time with her, having her pray over me, and just encourage me in my walk with God, it became clear that I had to fix my eyes on Jesus and let him work through my life. Through him, I would start honoring him with my words and actions, and in turn I would start to see him working at what he had promised me.

So when it comes to Christian men I do expect them to honor God in everything they do, and says as well. This can be a long and painful task when they first start to allow the change in them to take over and let God work in their lives, and to mold them into that kind of man. I also know, and are aware that every person has his or her own struggles. However, Jesus has already over come sin and that sin has been defeated, so as long as they are relying on God to give them a mindset that is God-focused, then they are already victorious.  So when someone has a God-focused mindset it can become very easy to honor him in everything they do or say, they just have to allow God to change them into someone who wants to honor God in every aspect of their lives.

It can also be easy to point out the people who honor God every minute of their daily lives; you will notice it in their character, and the way they speak if you bring up conflicting topics. I have noticed that this part of their character stands out because of their mindset and the way they think is so God-centered. If you find someone that honors God in their words and actions, you may ask them a question about a conflict and you might expect their response to be, “well that’s why I don’t talk to them anymore,” in harsh tones with some resentment behind it. However, their actual response may sound more like, “ I do what God tells me to do, and don’t worry about others opinions on the subject,” and leaves that topic of conversation at rest. In doing this, they don’t talk badly about another person, they don’t propel the problem, and they are clearly telling the truth when they say that they don’t worry about others opinions on the situation. If they did worry, they would have continued to talk about the problem.

Second: Listen To God

This one can sound simple, but it’s not. Many times over the summer, God told me something and I thought that maybe I was just going crazy, or it was my own mind making things up. I’m sure God laughed, because as the summer went on he made himself more and more known to me through other people, and also confirmed on numerous occasions that it was his voice I had heard, not my own conscience.

Someone who listens to God is aware of his voice and listens for it practically non-stop. It isn’t just during life groups when they are praying over you, but it is in daily tasks and routines where you just hear this small voice. If you are growing in some sort of relationship with a person who truly listens for God’s voice, it will again be obvious that they do so as you begin to learn more about them, (and it’s awesome to watch and experience while growing in that relationship).

Third: Obeying Gods Commands

Listening is one thing, but actually doing what God tells you to do is another. Sometimes it can be terrifying, asking a stranger if they need prayer, or going door to door, maybe even giving someone a word. Recently this summer when God was making himself known to me, people were giving me words left and right. Then near the end of the summer, he told me to give a word to someone else.

Although God had been speaking directly to me, telling, promising and revealing things to me, I had never been told to tell someone something. This terrified me. Honestly I was just at the gas station thinking about life groups, and how much I craved some chocolate when I heard it. I’m sure God was frustrated with me because multiple times he told me to tell this person and I didn’t. When opportunities ran out, I got home, took the dog on a nice long sniff (walk) and no matter how much I turned up my music God just kept pressing in saying “tell him.”

So I did, and I was terrified of being wrong. Not much longer after I sent the message I received a response back saying that it was something that person was waiting for and it applied to their lives. It is awful, and scary at first, I know that, but the results are awesome and incredibly rewarding!

…

Now that I have explained a little bit of each expectation, along with a little story to go with it, I want to explain why I expect only those things out of men, and nothing more. If they are truly doing those three things, honoring God, listening and obeying then they are literally walking with God every day. I am not saying that as a woman, you won’t be disappointed that he didn’t open the door every time you walk through it, but I am saying that it isn’t something that we should expect out of him.

Those tiny gestures are not what make him someone who is reliable and trust worthy. If they are honoring God, they can be trusted because they would not do anything that dishonors God. I have also brought this up before in a previous post, but if you think, “Well, God told me he’s the one, but he’s talking to that other girl…” don’t worry about it. If he is truly listening for God’s voice and obeying God, he won’t miss you and chose someone else. He may not see you as the woman he is going to marry just yet, but maybe that is because God has to do some work in him first. Just be patient.

Along with those tiny gestures that we expect out of men, like I said, not all men think about doing those things. Often times if we expect those gestures out of them, we are going to be disappointed many times during that friendship, relationship, or whatever it is. Many times, if I am disappointed in a man that I am friend with (or in any type of relationship with them) I look back and ask myself, “why are you disappointed with him?” Because he didn’t… At that point I have check. Does he honor God? Yes. Does he listen to God? Yes. Does he obey God? Yes. So maybe if his actions didn’t meet my expectations, I was expecting too much out of him. Maybe he didn’t do what I expected him to because it wasn’t God’s timing or… there could be a thousand more reasons. However, if he his truly listening to God, and obeying him, his actions will follow God’s leading.

The last thing that I want to point out is that just because I expect those three things out of men, does not mean that I expect them to fit my dating standards as well. The point of the dating standards is to notice the one man that actually fits them all, not to make every guy that I have some sort of relationship with, fit them. This can also be where woman expect too much out of men, they expect that since they put the standards that high, that every guy should act like that. However, if every guy were to fit those standards, having the standards would then be pointless.

Not only do I expect those things out of men, but I also expect them out of myself as well. The girl that left Ypsilanti this last spring, was not the same girl that came back this fall, and I don’t plan on going back to the person I was at the end of the year last year. I want to continue to grow, honor God, listen for his voice and obey him when I hear him speak. If I am doing so, I cannot step out of his will for my life, and I believe that he is faithful in his promises!

On that note when it comes to God’s promises, I received a little gift from my sister the other day. Along with it came a little note that said, that when I miss the little things at home, such as Dayspring, and my life group, I could look back on it and remember of what God promised me, and his plan for my life. She is one of few people that know my full testimony and story, but she completely believes in it and encourages me to remember it everyday. Maybe someday I’ll post my whole testimony, but for now, it was really cool that she did that for me. What a blessing in my life! Just remember that God keeps his promises, and do yourself a favor and don’t expect too much out of people to avoid disappointment.

-Becca