Being Single Is A Blessing!

To All the Girls (And Boys) Who Complain About Being Single:

As I scroll through facebook and twitter I either see one of two things; there are women who are thankful for their significant other and boast about what that person has done for them and how much they love them. The other common post I see is about single women complaining about their relationship status, or saying that they “need” a man. My favorite one can be said two ways, “he completes me,” or “I need a man to complete me.”

Both of these types of posts got me thinking about my life right now, as being single and about as unattached from any sort of romantic relationship that a human can get. I started thinking about time, and how it is priceless. I thought about what it would be like to be in a relationship once again. I thought about my past relationship and wondered if I even knew what it was like to actually love someone, because the whole thing was one giant mess, and I didn’t know where the lies started and ended.

           

I think it’s safe to say that those posts about how much you love your husband… they got me thinking.

About two months ago I confided in my life group leader about something that had been on my heart. I felt like God had shown me what he could do in my life, but I really didn’t know what to do in this time of “waiting.” I knew that he had called me home, to build and restore relationships, and to make Dayspring “home” once again. Then, because I was faithful, I would have that future that he had shown me, and I now so desperately desired.

           

However, every time I asked God “when?” He would tell me, “in my time…” and just like that, something awesome would happen and it was evident that God’s fingerprints were all over it! So eventually I just stopped worrying about WHEN, and held onto his promise and decided to just go with the flow. In doing that, Lauren gave me a book, called Lady in Waiting. It’s about becoming Mrs. Right, while waiting for Mr. Right. I thought it was interesting and so I eagerly opened the book, and it became my little book study every Sunday morning during first service.

The book studies the life of Ruth. Although the story is short, there is a lot to learn from it, and as I was reading those extremely opposite status’s I started thinking about my own life and being single. I thought of conversations that I had with other women who were single, and in relationships. From that I decided that I needed to share this.

First: Being Single Is An Advantage!

One of the first things that you learn when reading Lady In Waiting, is that the author views the life of a single women as something to take advantage of. She describes it in such a way, which makes you wonder why you ever complained about being single in the first place. She paints a picture of what it is like to be married, you wake up early in the morning, hoping for some morning devotionals by yourself, just some time to get into the word, worship or just pray, but before you know it, the kids are waking up. Someone missed the toilet; the dog hopped into the bathtub and is now running around the house, your husband doesn’t know how to tie his tie properly. Then the kids’ outfits need changed because they are wearing last years dress up costume, there is breakfast to be made, lunches to be packed, coffee to be poured, messes to clean up, and sometime within the next twenty minutes everyone has to be in the car and on their way to work or school, otherwise everyone is running late all day.

Sounds busy right!? Just as I, as a married woman, would get to sit down to devote a little time to God, my free time would suddenly be taken up by my duties as a mother, and a wife. However, in this time of singleness, I have a job, school and gymnastics. I don’t have to devote my time to a special someone, I don’t have to make sure I call them to tell them how my day is doing, or take out nights in my schedule to hang out with them. Those times can be spent devoted to getting to know God, studying his word, or even reading Lady In Waiting.

After reading that the first time, I thought that the author was right. It wasn’t until I read it three or four more times that it begun to sink in. God wants his time with me, he wants to get to know me, and mold me and shape me into the women I am supposed to be. A lady of faith, diligence, and purity… the list goes on and on. Just as I am sure he is molding my future husband and guiding his steps day by day, I want to be molded so that when the time comes, we will be ready for each other, with no problems.

So as a recap, enjoy this time as being single. Once you are in a relationship, and a serious one at that, you don’t get this time back. Spend time with your family, friends and God. Grow and mature, and just wait on him!

Second: God Is A Jealous God!

August 20, 2014, was a Wednesday that I had planned to meet up with my new friend Gela, and we were going to get coffee… or something like that. Throughout that same week I had run into her on Sunday, and the first thing she said to me was, “are you alright?” Immediately I started to cry and told her how stressed I was. She prayed over me and I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.

That following Tuesday, she had called me randomly, but little did she know that World War Three was taking place right above me, and I just really needed a friendly voice. When I took her call she told me that she felt like God was telling her to just talk to me and keep me in her thoughts, so she decided to call me. That being said, I cannot begin to tell you how God ordained that was.

During that call, I received another call from my friend Sophia. When I got around to calling Sophia back, she invited me over for cookies. Little did she know that God was using her to help me get out of the house for the night… God was just awesome!

That lead me to Wednesday afternoon with Gela, I was stressed and somehow within the middle of all that stress, she found a way to calm me down. It was probably God using her to work through me, but by the end of the night I was telling her my testimony, which not many people know, and unfortunately I feel like it has to stay that way for a while. Because my testimony is like 90% about relationships, with God, boys, friends etc., we got on that topic.

While we were talking she was explaining God’s jealousy in a way that I had never really thought about it before. She explained it that God desires a personal relationship with him, which I had known, but think about it. God wants EVERY PART of EVERY SINGLE PERSON. God doesn’t want all of us girls relying on some prince charming to come and sweep us off of our feet, save us from our awful single lives and live happily ever after, being “completed” by someone else.

Instead, God wants to be that prince charming who comes in and sweeps us off of our feet. He wants all of us, but he created us in a way that our human nature desires for that human connection with one other person, so when the time is right, then God will allow those doors to open, and he will share me with a guy. It’s not that I will share God with a guy because God means so much to me… it can never be that way, because I can never love him as much as he loves me. It will ALWAYS be the opposite. We have to give ourselves fully to God, and in turn, he will give us a man, and allow that man to be a part of the love triangle.

As I thought about that I thought it was awesome! We waste our times being single, asking God “why haven’t you sent someone for us!?” When what we should really be asking is, “what can I do next to further my relationship with you? Because my only desire is to follow you, trust you and love you. IF you send me a husband, it is because you know and understand my human needs.”

God is already jealous that he has to share you once he has all of you. Imagine what it must be like for him, when he has to hear those girls who constantly ask him “why” or “when.” That must hurt him; I can imagine him sitting up there just saying, “if you give yourself to me, I can let you know why and when…”

Third: The Love Triangle… or Trapezoid?

As Gela and I continued to chat in the car, I had brought up The Love Triangle, as I did just a few paragraphs back. Gela got really excited about me mentioning The Love Triangle and drew it out on paper.

The idea of it is that there are three points of the triangle, two are my future spouse and me, the third one is God. Now, connecting the dots, as my future husband and I separately seek God, our separate lines toward God get drawn. However, as we both seek God, the line connecting my future spouse and I gets drawn.

I know, that could mean many things, that as we seek God together, our relationship gets stronger, or as we seek God, we eventually follow his plan and randomly bump into a stranger, who eventually becomes our future spouse. It could mean many things, but the point is, that both sides seek God, and somewhere during that time, our line connects.

One thing that came to Gela as we were talking about it was that sometimes when our lines start to get drawn, they don’t finish. Meaning we search and search for God, we both get closer and closer and… “Oh… wow, he’s attractive,” and “Oh, she’s kind of hot…” suddenly the line connecting my future spouse and I, is complete, but our lines connecting us to God aren’t. Then we are left with hot relationship with each other and luke warm relationships with God. That ends up creating some sort of trapezoid, which if you think about it, means that there are two God dots still left, and there should only be one… take that however you want. It could mean many things, different levels of intimacy with God, different Gods, different maturity levels etc.

The point is, make sure you’re creating a triangle, and not a trapezoid, because then there is confusion, hurt, and regret when a trapezoid is made. If my future spouse and I know the same God, maybe in different ways, but with the same level of intimacy, and closeness, it creates a stronger relationship between my husband and I. So in everything you do, keep searching for God, and building your relationship with him. Even if you see an attractive guy, keep your eyes focused on God, and let the triangle create itself through your relationship with him!

Fourth: You Complete Me

I’ve always hated this phrase and I never knew why. Maybe it was over used, or completely unoriginal, but now I know for sure why I hate it today.

It is WRONG.

I am not sure where I read this, but a man should never complete a women. Yes, I understand, Adam gave us a rib, but God was the one who breathed the breath of life into us… Just saying, he finished his work with his breath, not with a rib.

Anyway, the phrase “you complete me,” is wrong because a guy should never have to complete a girl. That is a lot of pressure to put on the guy! Same in reversed situations.

People think that we are broken and incomplete and that we need our “second half” to make us whole, without realizing that God is our second half, he had completed us already. Women don’t need a man to complete them, and men don’t need a women at their side to complete them either. It is always God that should be completing them. Besides, who wants someone who isn’t “done” yet? Think about it, if someone isn’t complete, then they are missing something… (It’s probably God that they are missing).

What I propose is that instead of using the phrase “you complete me” we should use the phrase “you complement me.” This does not mean that men should always COMPLIEMNT their significant other or else the girls should think that they don’t really care. Instead it means that it should be like two complementary colors like blue and orange. They don’t seem to go well together, but in make up theory, they make the other pop. Have blue eyes? Wear orange or brown tones.

The same goes for relationships, instead of being discouraging, the relationship should build you up. Their attitude should have effect on you, the two of you should build off of each other. Iron sharpens iron, and that’s what the relationship should be like. If you are in a Complementary relationship, you aren’t relying on the other person. You can have time alone without them; you can spend time with God and not with them. However, if you need someone to “complete” you, then you can’t spend any time apart from him or her. You need them for everything!

For the record, I did get the Complementary idea from a book, I am just not sure which one, but it is true. Back to colors, orange makes blue pop they are complementary colors. However, when a color “completes” another color it just makes a whole new color. Like yellow and blue, when they “complete” each other, it makes green. It doesn’t make the other pop, and typically look awful next to each other.  The same goes for relationships, you want to complement each other, make the other stand out, and bring out the best in the other person. You NEVER want to change them into something they are not.

Five: You THINK or KNOW That You KNOW

This one only applies to a few people, but I have heard multiple stories about it, so I wanted to share one that I have been told for years and have known to be true.

There was a young man named Eric, assistant manager at a Burger King in Bowling Green, Ohio. Not only was he taking a good amount of classes at Bowling Green State University, but he was also working full time. School and work were his life; there was no time for anything else.

There was also a young woman, named Laurel. She was an associate at Burger King; she had worked there for months, and went to school at Bowling Green State University as a full time student once again.

One night, as Eric was working late, Laurel came in the grab her check. She was dressed up, although I’m not sure what for, I’m pretty sure she was going out on a date… but don’t take my word for it. Eric was just talking to his store manager about some things they needed to get done when Laurel walked in dressed up. I can’t even begin to imagine the look of surprise on Eric’s face as he looked at his store manager and asked, “Who is that woman?”

The store manager replied, “that’s Laurel, she cleans up well, doesn’t she?” With a nod, Eric looked at his boss, and simply replied, “I’m going to marry that woman some day.”

The store manager looked at him and laughed, “she’s way out of your league…” As my Dad tells me this story over and over again I had just found it funny. My Dad knew way before he even started “talking” (as we call it today) to my mother.

As they had started dating, it was obvious that God had revealed my mother to him, and he had ended up being right, they got married and had three beautiful kids, if I do say so myself.

This isn’t the only time that this has happened, I have heard many more stories about God revealing a persons future spouse to them. So what happens once they are revealed? They immediately start dating, and they end up married within the year, right!?

NOPE.

Actually within the next year, they do become friends, but dating is far from either of their minds. So what to do? There are a couple of htings to do while in this “waiting” period.

1.) If you are single and God has revealed that special someone to you, on multiple occasions, then you may be hearing God’s voice, and following his direction already. Keep listening for his voice. Often times, I have noticed that when I start to make decisions based on feelings and not what God is telling me, if it is the wrong choice, God will shut that door. However, if it is something he is asking me to do… it seems as though he won’t shut up until I do it.

2.) Aside from listening for his voice, just keep pressing into God. Fully immerse yourself in him, if what he told you is true, there is nothing to worry about!

3.) It can be easy to get jealous when you see him or her talking with someone else, but they haven’t even said hi to you that day… or that week for that matter. Give the jealousy to Jesus, and let him deal with it. The waiting can be tough, but like I said earlier, God wants all of you and then he will give you away to someone else one day. Besides, you don’t want to make a trapezoid… finish your triangle!

4.) If you get tired of waiting don’t sweat it, have someone pray for you. It can be easy to ask, “God, you promised me this, now when is it going to happen!?” Every time that happens, have someone pray for you to remove any fear, anxiety, and worry… God doesn’t want you to worry about it. He revealed that to you so that you can have peace about being single and go about your life, watching him put your love story together!

5.) Don’t rush things, this is very important! When I said that God shuts doors, he does especially if you are trying to rush anything. Let him do his own work! There was one time I needed to confront a friend about something that had happened. I was going to talk to her right after church, but instead she got sidetracked and started talking to a ton of people. I never got the chance to talk to her because when she was done talking, I was talking to someone else.

By the time we were done, she had already left, and unfortunately I didn’t get to talk to her. However, the people I was with ended up going to dinner with the people she was with later that day, and through the long night, I finally got to tell her what I wanted to say.

If I would have rushed telling her what I needed to say, our conversation could have been awkward, or the wrong time for her to hear the things that I had to tell her. However, when the opportunity presented itself, it was the right time, and actually integrated itself into the conversation perfectly. There is nothing better than God’s timing!

When it comes down to it, being single is not a bad thing! It’s an excellent and rewarding time in your life. Use it to your advantage, and don’t worry about finding the right relationship. Don’t look for someone who “completes” you, but rather take notice in the people who complement you and your personality. Who enhances who you are? But just because you notice that they complement you, does not mean that you should drop everything you are doing and dive into that possible relationship. Let God work it out! And finally, if God has revealed that special someone to you, keep an open mind and let God work in your life. Just because he promised it, doesn’t mean that it will happen the very next day. If you are single for over a year after he revealed that person to you, it is probably so that the two of you can still grow, and when the timing is right, God will make it happen.

We serve a big God, and we have to keep in mind that he knows everything, and has a plan for us. He wants the best for our lives, so I have resolved to let him guide my steps. If I have a plan for something, and it doesn’t work out, yeah, I may be disappointed, but it is probably for a reason!

Until Next Time,

-Becca