Fix Me

Has someone ever tried to fix you? It makes you think that you aren’t good enough…
I get that feeling being in the gym all the time.
As a gymnast being good kind of runs along the same lines as chasing the score of a 10.0.
I am chasing Perfection… Something that simply cannot be achieved, no matter what any judge says.

This is how our chase of perfection happens. Over the summer, you work hard to figure out different skills that you need to move up to the next level, you train your body to do the terrifying skills. By the beginning of the school year, you have about two months to officially get the skills. By the middle of October, you are going into a competition knowing that you have the skill…

Sometimes…

You know that you can catch the bar after letting go…

If your muscle memory kicks in…

You know you won’t hit your head on the beam…
If you remember to push, off of your leg…

Just saying your first meet of the year isn’t great…

Throughout the whole season, you are perfecting the skills that you are bad at. You train your muscles to remember. I train my hands to do a circular motion ever time I let go of the bar. I do front walk over’s on the beam until my foot knows where it will land. Until I remember to push my hips forward every time.

Fix.
Fix.
Fix...

By the end of the season the big meets come. There are Districts, Zones (what others call regional’s) and Nationals, and by those meets the coaches are trying to decide if it is a bigger deduction if you do the skill or if you don’t.

If you are confused here’s how deductions work, every time you bend your legs it’s a deduction, let go too early, deduction, timing is off deduction. If you don’t do required skills there is a bigger deduction… so when it comes down to it… and all the deductions are added together… what gets you a higher score? Doing the skill… or not?

Keep it?

Take it out?

Keep it... fix it

Take it out... still fixing...

For me it’s always been… I have the skill, but no matter how many times I do it in one season, the skills always get taken out near the end because I still have too many things to fix. Yes, I get high scores but it makes me wonder… am I good enough? Is all my hard work to twist, release and go backwards worth it?

When it comes down to it, I don’t want trophies and medals… I mean I do… but I want to earn them! Not just, get them because my skills are easier...

And I would rather have someone help me fix what I'm doing wrong... rather than just take it out and return to it later when I'm having bigger problems. And I would rather have someone constantly fixing a skill... rather than just leaving me to figure out what I am doing wrong.

When someone tells me I am doing something wrong it feels like they are telling me how imperfect I am... but it's not that at all...

Gymnastics relates so well with my walk with God. Because all the time people try to fix me. Try to make me better. In TBQ if I quote a bible verse wrong... I feel like I can't get it right, and if i had a bad day... it's not a good thing to tell me.

If my mom tells me my skirt is too short... she is always trying to fix how long my dresses and skirts are... but it's not because she is trying to tell me what is wrong with me.

The people that try to "fix me" are molding me into the person they know I can be. My mom knows that I can be preppy, and fashionable while still being modest. I can keep up with the latest trends without showing my bra straps. When I quote a bible verse wrong, they aren't telling me my memory is bad... they are trying to help me engrave it into my mind. It's just like a skill in gymnastics. If I practice it enough muscle memory kicks in... and i don't even have to think about what i am doing anymore, it just comes. It's the same with the modesty that mom pushes, and when someone corrects me when it comes to studying God's word.

So next time someone tries to "fix you" whether it's a boyfriend, girlfriend, your best friend, coach, parent or teacher... just remember they aren't telling you that you made a mistake just to "fix you" they are telling you that you made a mistake so that you can learn from it and fix it yourself next time.

Because they know who you can become.

-Bec