I was in the car with my best friend yesterday. We had not seen each other in a couple of weeks, so we were informing each other on our lives. As my throat was getting more and more sore, she was telling me about her reading that she has been doing. It was a book that was helping her heal, and she suggested it to me. She mentioned that she was in a part of it that was talking about forgiveness, and in the back of my mind I thought I had forgiven Tyler… but I still wondered, had I?
This idea of forgiveness can be over looked. We think that just because we moved on from the situation, that we have forgiven those who have hurt us. Just because the situation is over, we have forgiven those who have knowingly or unknowingly wronged us, but that doesn't mean that we have.
Now I would like to fool myself and think that I am completely healed of everything Tyler did to me and forgiven him and the girl that he is now with, but the truth is that the guilt is still there, and the hurt is still there. And to be completely honest even if I liked a guy and I was good friends with this guy, a million (false) red flags would go up in my mind at the mere mention of a relationship.
The fact that I am scared of trusting any man is now my issue. The same guy that I loved so much, had once cheated on me physically, begged for me back, broke my heart in the process of physically cheating (and telling me at my senior homecoming, while I had brought someone else as a date - long story). He broke my heart again in a break up, then tried for a third time when he mentioned that he was thinking about breaking up while I was in college, just before Thanksgiving. Finally after emotionally cheating on me and days of fighting and begging he broke my heart for the fourth and final time.
A similar thing happened to the friend I was with. She had been dating a guy, and she thought she loved him, but there were times he had violated her. There were times when he got so mad that he scared her a little bit, and that worried her, and to finally top it off there was a girl that he was spending a lot of time with and talking to most of the time spent, was with girl A, that's what we will call her. Little did my friend (and girl A) know, that there was a girl B, that he was still talking to. In the end my friend and him, broke up. Not too long after, that's when he started going out with girl A.
Fast forward almost three years later, and my friend and I were just talking in the car. She was telling me about her summer activities when she said, "Did I tell you girl A texted me?" I'll admit, I sort of freaked out and said no. She had me read the text.
As I was reading the text from girl A, she was apologizing up and down and asking for forgiveness from my friend. Once she asked for forgiveness for being so naive and putting my friend through that kind of hurt, she started to tell her own story. Girl B had come into the picture and was talking with him on a consistent basis. Girl A ended up breaking it off because of Girl B, and so the cycle continued. This boy had emotionally cheated on two girls, and they both ended the same way, with broken hearts. Right before she ended the text she said that my friend didn't have to respond, but she hopes that she will forgive Girl A because she now understands how my friend must have felt.
My friend had responded to the text, saying that she had been reading a section on forgiveness and that she would love to meet up with Girl A at some point. At reading this, it shocked me how quickly the forgiveness took place. That's when I realized, I had to forgive Tyler and Makinzie.
Over the months of our break-up I had realized that it was never supposed to work out. It was the Romeo and Juliet of our time, two people with two different religions who desperately wanted to make it work, but knew it never would. He made the decision to hurt both of us so that one day we could be happy. I thought that I had forgiven him for it… I thought I had forgiven her for being so willing to take him after what he had done to me, so many times, but the thing was that I hadn't.
I still cringed at the sight of a photo of them together, I still thought negative thoughts about her, her religion and her relationship with him. I came up with ideas of what they must do when they are alone to make myself feel better. However, the simple fact was that they probably were happy together. They are probably a better couple than Tyler and I ever were and probably ever would have been, just because they share the same beliefs. The last thing that hit me was I was probably in the way too. At the end of our relationship, they were talking and honestly she could be the one for him, but I was in the way. Just like Tyler was in the way for me, but he made that important decision to get out of the way so that I could find someone more suited for me, and he could find someone (like Makinzie) more suited for him.
The difference between my relationship with Tyler and my friend's relationship, is that her ex-boyfriend, continued the cycle with Girl A and then Girl B. Through this though, there was forgiveness and healing. I desperately hope that Tyler does not do the same things to Makinzie that he did to me, and I honestly hope that she is the one for him, because she seems like a really sweet girl. Now through the process of hoping for their relationship to prosper, I am finding forgiveness and healing as well.
Soon I'm going to be starting a series of blogs posts, and they are going to be numbered. There is going to be about 34 or more of them. So keep your eyes out! God is doing great things in my life and the lives of people around me.
Until Next Time!
-Becca
This idea of forgiveness can be over looked. We think that just because we moved on from the situation, that we have forgiven those who have hurt us. Just because the situation is over, we have forgiven those who have knowingly or unknowingly wronged us, but that doesn't mean that we have.
Now I would like to fool myself and think that I am completely healed of everything Tyler did to me and forgiven him and the girl that he is now with, but the truth is that the guilt is still there, and the hurt is still there. And to be completely honest even if I liked a guy and I was good friends with this guy, a million (false) red flags would go up in my mind at the mere mention of a relationship.
The fact that I am scared of trusting any man is now my issue. The same guy that I loved so much, had once cheated on me physically, begged for me back, broke my heart in the process of physically cheating (and telling me at my senior homecoming, while I had brought someone else as a date - long story). He broke my heart again in a break up, then tried for a third time when he mentioned that he was thinking about breaking up while I was in college, just before Thanksgiving. Finally after emotionally cheating on me and days of fighting and begging he broke my heart for the fourth and final time.
A similar thing happened to the friend I was with. She had been dating a guy, and she thought she loved him, but there were times he had violated her. There were times when he got so mad that he scared her a little bit, and that worried her, and to finally top it off there was a girl that he was spending a lot of time with and talking to most of the time spent, was with girl A, that's what we will call her. Little did my friend (and girl A) know, that there was a girl B, that he was still talking to. In the end my friend and him, broke up. Not too long after, that's when he started going out with girl A.
Fast forward almost three years later, and my friend and I were just talking in the car. She was telling me about her summer activities when she said, "Did I tell you girl A texted me?" I'll admit, I sort of freaked out and said no. She had me read the text.
As I was reading the text from girl A, she was apologizing up and down and asking for forgiveness from my friend. Once she asked for forgiveness for being so naive and putting my friend through that kind of hurt, she started to tell her own story. Girl B had come into the picture and was talking with him on a consistent basis. Girl A ended up breaking it off because of Girl B, and so the cycle continued. This boy had emotionally cheated on two girls, and they both ended the same way, with broken hearts. Right before she ended the text she said that my friend didn't have to respond, but she hopes that she will forgive Girl A because she now understands how my friend must have felt.
My friend had responded to the text, saying that she had been reading a section on forgiveness and that she would love to meet up with Girl A at some point. At reading this, it shocked me how quickly the forgiveness took place. That's when I realized, I had to forgive Tyler and Makinzie.
Over the months of our break-up I had realized that it was never supposed to work out. It was the Romeo and Juliet of our time, two people with two different religions who desperately wanted to make it work, but knew it never would. He made the decision to hurt both of us so that one day we could be happy. I thought that I had forgiven him for it… I thought I had forgiven her for being so willing to take him after what he had done to me, so many times, but the thing was that I hadn't.
I still cringed at the sight of a photo of them together, I still thought negative thoughts about her, her religion and her relationship with him. I came up with ideas of what they must do when they are alone to make myself feel better. However, the simple fact was that they probably were happy together. They are probably a better couple than Tyler and I ever were and probably ever would have been, just because they share the same beliefs. The last thing that hit me was I was probably in the way too. At the end of our relationship, they were talking and honestly she could be the one for him, but I was in the way. Just like Tyler was in the way for me, but he made that important decision to get out of the way so that I could find someone more suited for me, and he could find someone (like Makinzie) more suited for him.
The difference between my relationship with Tyler and my friend's relationship, is that her ex-boyfriend, continued the cycle with Girl A and then Girl B. Through this though, there was forgiveness and healing. I desperately hope that Tyler does not do the same things to Makinzie that he did to me, and I honestly hope that she is the one for him, because she seems like a really sweet girl. Now through the process of hoping for their relationship to prosper, I am finding forgiveness and healing as well.
Soon I'm going to be starting a series of blogs posts, and they are going to be numbered. There is going to be about 34 or more of them. So keep your eyes out! God is doing great things in my life and the lives of people around me.
Until Next Time!
-Becca
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