Summer Decisions: Part 2

Deciding to Join a Life Group

When I had finally got home and settled into the basement, it was about a week into being home. I finally got my bed set up with the help of my sister, and I had my first couple days of work. Things were going well, I knew that I needed to be at Dayspring, so I went any chance I got.

Although things were going well, and I was still making my way up to Ypsilanti on Tuesdays and Saturdays for my job with the Ann Arbor YMCA there was no hiding my friend situation at church. My friends consisted of youth that were 3-4 years younger than myself (and now seemed immature compared to myself after what went down at college) and my parents and their friends.

Lauren Motsinger, whom I have mentioned before in previous posts, had invited me to her life group. I was kind of hesitant, because the last thing that I wanted to do was tell everyone about what happened during second semester. The last thing that I really wanted to do was talk. I wanted friends, but I really didn’t want to deal with any hurt beyond the walls of church on Friday nights. There weren’t just bad things that I didn’t want to talk about though, there were good things, things that I had been noticing and reasons why God may have brought me home this summer, but I didn’t want to talk with anyone about that either.

I felt like I had done all of my talking, and nobody else outside of my parents life group needed to know about the ultimatum that Tyler gave me that ultimately lead to me choosing to break my own heart. And nobody outside of my family and my three best friends needed to know what I had been noticing while at church.

However, the weeks in May seemed to tick by quickly on some days, but still go very slowly most of the time. There was one Sunday that I specifically remember. It was right after attending my parents Sunday school class, my Mom and I were walking back. I had literally spent the last four days with my three best friends, but a feeling of loneliness came over me during those days. The more I hung out with them, the more I felt it and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

We were walking from the Prayer Center to the church and I told her that I felt lonely. “Why hasn’t God sent me any friends? What was the point of bringing me home this summer if nothing is really happening like I thought he said it would?” I asked her, but I had spoken way too soon.

As I entered the building that Sunday, I was still feeling depressed about my lack of friends until I was reminded quickly of the reason I had come home. A feeling of hope came over me, and then I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see an old best friend, Jared Kobylski.

Jared was one of few people that knew what I had been noticing, he was a long time trusted friend and someone whom I had not seen since Christmas break. While in college we would often-video chat and snapchat and we might have called each other a couple of times. The thing with Jared was that we were always honest with each other, even if it made the other mad. If someone got mad we would argue/debate and sometimes fight and a couple days later we would see each other in person, snapchat or just call and continue as if it never happened. That was always great simply because we were honest and it didn’t really bother us, we just told each other the truth and with that grew a lot of trust.

After feeling the tap on my shoulder, I turned around, looked up and hugged him. Amazingly the first words out of my mouth were, “I’m sorry for making you mad last night. I was not in a good mood, and for some reason you were making it worse.” He laughed and said that it was okay and then introduced me to Brittany, his girlfriend. The same person I was telling him to break up with the night before, but after meeting her, I realized that she was really sweet and I liked her a lot.

The real story starts out when I went to sit with Jared and Brittany for church. Typically I sat with my parents on the other side of the church in the very front row, but Jared of course, sat in the young adult section, a section I had been avoiding simply because I didn’t want to sit alone. When worship started, we were all the way in the back and it was just weird. I was used to being up at the front with my parents. So I joined a group of people up at the front. When Pastor Scott invited the prayer team up, the others up front backed up and a thin guy shorter in size with dark hair, whom I had met once before invited me to stand and worship next to him. During that time of worship it felt like something had changed, like this was the beginning of everything I thought God was telling me right before school was over. I felt like God was telling me that the dark haired guy would one day be a really good friend, and that this was just the beginning of the summer!

When I went back to my seat, I made myself promise that I would start sitting in the young adult section, no matter if I sat alone or not. After that Sunday I honored my agreement with myself, and I ended up signing up for Lauren and Jaryd’s life group. By then I felt like the healing process was pretty much over, and that it was just time to focus on the reason God told me to come back to Dayspring. He had something huge planned and I couldn’t wait for whatever was going to happen this summer!

The Sunday before the first life group, I was sitting by myself in the row in front of everyone. I had been dealing with some things that Tyler was still putting me through even though our relationship was long over. I was actually almost angry with God for not answering me when I asked if what I was hearing was actually of him or if it was just me trying to make myself feel better. With that anger, I wondered what in the world I was actually doing at home if it wasn’t really God that was telling me, showing me and pointing things out to me? That morning I woke up extremely on edge about everything, and as I was brushing my teeth I just thought, “Okay just confirm that it is of you. Have it be someone I have talked to before, but I am not yet friends with.” I didn’t think much of it, because I didn’t even say this out loud, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t hear it!

 After service, I felt a tap on my shoulder and Anthony whom I had spoken with before, but was not really friends with at the time, said that he had a word for me. He told me that I have been told things and I was questioning whether or not what I was told was “of God” and I have gotten responses from adults and other leaders that it is not. However, God wanted me to know that it was “of God.”

I really didn’t know what to say to that, I honestly had no idea what he was talking about at the time. It actually didn’t hit me until I was on my way home in the car and I flipped out on my Dad telling him about what Anthony had told me and that it actually did mean something!

With that excitement, I was no longer mad at God about Tyler and I actually forgot about the situation and looked at the rest of my summer with hope. That Thursday was the first life group and by the end of the night it was so cool to be around all those people who were so God fearing. I loved hearing about all the hopes that Jaryd and Lauren had for the group.

The last couple weeks, I have been experiencing God in a way that not many people could experience him or understand. I started out by telling you that I was alone at church, and that I had asked my Mom why it was that God was not sending me friends. However, life groups have changed my life so much recently! It has opened up friendships that I would not have other wise, and things that I had not wanted to talk about before, I feel fine talking about. Even the things that I was noticing at church, but keeping to myself, I ended up sharing with Lauren.

The simple fact is this, that God’s promises remain true. When it comes to humans and human nature, “Promises are just pretend,” but God’s promises are real and true! He doesn’t give up on them, he does not back out and even when you are running the opposite direction he still brings you to a place, like an ultimatum, that makes you start running back to him.

All it took for me was a simple question. “Will you please convert so that we can be together in this life and the next? If not, then it’s over.” The story has been told many times, but now the more that I think about it, the more I remember it, the more I realize that in that moment, God knew that Tyler would ask that of me. God also knew that my answer would be no. He also knew what would be waiting for me back at Dayspring this summer.

God is creating and restoring so many relationships! As I had known, Anthony is becoming a good and trusted friend. Lauren is like an older sister for me and I just love talking with her and sharing things with her. Through God’s love and forgiveness I have been able to restore a friendship with one of my best friends. This friendship should honestly not have been able to be restored, but here we are hanging out and continuing as if nothing happened!

Tyler and I are friends now. You know those moments when you are crying and suddenly you start thinking of every awful thing that has happened to you just so you can cry about everything at once and get it over with? Well the other day when I was frustrated, that happened, and when I thought about what Tyler did to me, I actually stopped crying. There was so much hope, healing and restoration in the situation that the thought of the break-up no longer harmed me in any way!

On top of Tyler and I actually being friends (at a distance) I am a actually friends with his current girlfriend, who is the same girl that I asked him to stop talking to so that I would feel a little better about our relationship (he had obviously said no). I ended up apologizing to her for hating her all these months, and she apologized to me for every pain she may have caused me. However, when she said it she mentioned that she thought that maybe it was supposed to end up this way. She said it may make her sound like a jerk, but I told her I completely agreed! I can see what God is doing in our lives and how his plan is going perfectly.

Even when we don’t feel him in our daily lives, even when it seems that through all this frustration we deal with daily, he is still at work. Many times I have to look back and see the big picture and all that he has done!

One thing is for sure about coming home this summer, it is a part of God’s plan, and through this God is showing that he is always faithful and will not disappoint you in the end!

-Becca