Honestly this semester has been… a whirlwind of confusion and hurt, but still being extremely blessed at the same time. I entered this semester lined up with a job managing a team at college and passing out those coupon books. It went well, my boss was happy with me, and I was happy when we got the job done and even happier when my check arrived in the mail. Through that I had already been extremely close with Katie, but through this job I got closer to Deshawn which was nice. My four best friends on the team even took me out to tower inn to celebrate my ninetieth birthday. Although I had spent the actual day, cuddled in Tyler's recliner as his mom made me cake and we watched Percy Jackson, the team made sure my birthday was well celebrated, and it was nice to know that they were there for me.
During that first job, I received an e-mail scheduling my interview with the Ann Arbor YMCA for a coaching position. Thanks to Katie, I was able to go to the interview, and while we were in the middle of passing out coupon books, I received the call offering me a job, and of course I accepted. As we were finishing off the first job which was such a blessing in my life, I was dealing with a really sassy boyfriend at the time. He only seemed to be listening half the time I was talking to him, and conversations were empty. I was really frustrated with him one night, so I thought I would make amends with a friend. I didn't know what I had done, but I had a really good guess, so I texted her and told her my side of the story. In the end, I was not fond of what she had to say to me. On top of dealing with Tyler telling me a ton of crap I didn't want to hear, I was being bombarded with a ton of crap from someone I had once called a best friend. That was a rough night for me.
She apologized, and so did Tyler, but things were left up in the air with her. When it came to Tyler, I demanded that he come to see me the following weekend. He did as he was told, and although our time was short, I was sure I would see him soon. He gave me a goodbye hug and kiss, "don't be a stranger," I whispered as he let go of the hug. "I'll see you in one week, I love you goodbye!" he yelled through the double doors. "I'll be at a meet next week! I'll see you in two weeks!" He gave a thumbs up and blew me a kiss, that was the last time I ever saw him in person.
When he had left that day, he was planning on going snowboarding, I got a call later that day. He told me that he was not going to go baby sitting. He said that he had fallen, but I had no clue that he had fallen hard. I get a call the next day from his mother saying that he has two broken ribs and there is air in his lungs. I worried about him for a day and a half straight, and finally he went home in recovery. That Tuesday he had tried to FaceTime me at work. The problem was I had admittedly been late on the first day because I didn't know where I was going. I told him to try again in a half an hour, I would be off then.
Once I got back, he FaceTimed me, he looked much thinner, but we talked and then together (but still apart) did our own things. I watched Pretty Little Liars and he played his game, it was like he was with me even though we were forty-five minutes away from each other. It was nice.
That Saturday was our first ever gymnastics meet at Ohio State. I was competing on a really bad ankle, and when I had got there, I didn't go over the vault until the first one I competed. Once the meet was over, Tyler had not answered my FaceTime, or text messages or calls. So, frustrated with him, I joined in on the party for the first time.
Tyler later messaged me, and we had our usual conversation about him coming up the following weekend. In the hope that he was coming up, I was looking up things to do in town that weekend. However, that Monday morning I got a FaceTime call. He still looked very thin, and he looked like he had not gotten much sleep. As if he had been thinking long and hard about something. I knew what was coming. In response to everything he was telling me, asking me to do, the things he was denying and saying no to… I vomited. I could hear him from inside the bathroom, "Becca, are you okay?" I came back out to his FaceTime, brushing my teeth. "Did you just vomit?" "My entire lunch…"
After more arguing and getting mad at each other, after begging for him not to do that to me again I heard one last thing from him, "I'm done with you, bye." After that moment, I was on an emotional roller coaster. I tried calling him back over and over again, but I looked at the clock, saw that it was three fifteen and I had to be in class. So as I was putting on my shoes, tears streamed down my face and I didn't know who else to call so I called Chloe. Unfortunately she didn't answer so I left her a very alarming voice mail, with what I'm assuming sounded like I was bawling, and my voice cracking quivering. All I remember saying is, "I didn't know who else to call, I just needed someone to talk to…"
After that Katie and Deshawn talked to me about it. Of course I went through the many stages, I was relieved that I was free. I pretended to laugh, I thought it was happy, but lost it during a beam routine and Katie had to remind me to finish my beam routine. In the meantime, there was a lot of drama that was going down in the gym that I didn't know existed until shortly after the break up.
I kept myself busy with my job, gymnastics, writing and doing homework. My job is what kept my mind off of things the most. It made me think about Tuesdays and how tired I would be at the end of the day. All I would think about is, "I can't wait to watch the new Pretty little liars episode…" that's what would get me through Tuesdays, and Saturdays when I would typically be begging Tyler to come visit me was also filled with work.
This job is right off campus, and through it I have made a really good friend whom I would not have met otherwise. With this job, I'm not always in the mood to do it when I get there, especially on Saturday mornings. It's an early job at that point, and I have to move all of the equipment to set up the "gymnastics center." However, the conversations with the kids, stretching with them, and running them is what wakes me up and eventually I'm in the mood to coach them, and still have fun.
I found the semester was going quickly, we even had a week break in the middle, which threw me for a loop. I had come home to the realization that I was not going to be hanging out with Tyler. I was not going to see his family. My nights were often sleepless, or when I did go to sleep I would wake up crying. I would have dreams about his sister telling me she couldn't wait to see me. I would have dreams of marrying him, which is something we both wanted. I would just wake up crying.
One Sunday I woke up with my mom and sister still in the room and tears just started rolling down my face. They asked what was wrong, and I couldn't even say… That week was taken getting rid of all the pain, guilt, and fear that had been swelling up inside of me for weeks. I attended celebrate recovery with my mom and Dad, which I found very refreshing. I spent Sunday mornings crying during church services. I was having a hard time grasping the fact that after all of this God still loved me. I felt like I had made a huge mistake believing this boy, thinking that it could have gone somewhere. The part that got me the worst was "I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that you have come now even if to write upon my heart to remind me of who you are."
When I heard that, I knew the lyrics already, but it just hit me. It was hard to grasp, and that's when I started crying. I had told myself that I wouldn't cry, but it was too late it was just like when I had woken up that morning. There was no stopping them, they just came, I don't even know where from… That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes to see Lauren Motsinger smiling at me.
Katie and I at dinner to Celebrate my birthday!
My actual birthday… I spent it relaxing with people that I love!
And then I got this from Dave - Made my day
During that first job, I received an e-mail scheduling my interview with the Ann Arbor YMCA for a coaching position. Thanks to Katie, I was able to go to the interview, and while we were in the middle of passing out coupon books, I received the call offering me a job, and of course I accepted. As we were finishing off the first job which was such a blessing in my life, I was dealing with a really sassy boyfriend at the time. He only seemed to be listening half the time I was talking to him, and conversations were empty. I was really frustrated with him one night, so I thought I would make amends with a friend. I didn't know what I had done, but I had a really good guess, so I texted her and told her my side of the story. In the end, I was not fond of what she had to say to me. On top of dealing with Tyler telling me a ton of crap I didn't want to hear, I was being bombarded with a ton of crap from someone I had once called a best friend. That was a rough night for me.
She apologized, and so did Tyler, but things were left up in the air with her. When it came to Tyler, I demanded that he come to see me the following weekend. He did as he was told, and although our time was short, I was sure I would see him soon. He gave me a goodbye hug and kiss, "don't be a stranger," I whispered as he let go of the hug. "I'll see you in one week, I love you goodbye!" he yelled through the double doors. "I'll be at a meet next week! I'll see you in two weeks!" He gave a thumbs up and blew me a kiss, that was the last time I ever saw him in person.
When he had left that day, he was planning on going snowboarding, I got a call later that day. He told me that he was not going to go baby sitting. He said that he had fallen, but I had no clue that he had fallen hard. I get a call the next day from his mother saying that he has two broken ribs and there is air in his lungs. I worried about him for a day and a half straight, and finally he went home in recovery. That Tuesday he had tried to FaceTime me at work. The problem was I had admittedly been late on the first day because I didn't know where I was going. I told him to try again in a half an hour, I would be off then.
Once I got back, he FaceTimed me, he looked much thinner, but we talked and then together (but still apart) did our own things. I watched Pretty Little Liars and he played his game, it was like he was with me even though we were forty-five minutes away from each other. It was nice.
That Saturday was our first ever gymnastics meet at Ohio State. I was competing on a really bad ankle, and when I had got there, I didn't go over the vault until the first one I competed. Once the meet was over, Tyler had not answered my FaceTime, or text messages or calls. So, frustrated with him, I joined in on the party for the first time.
Tyler later messaged me, and we had our usual conversation about him coming up the following weekend. In the hope that he was coming up, I was looking up things to do in town that weekend. However, that Monday morning I got a FaceTime call. He still looked very thin, and he looked like he had not gotten much sleep. As if he had been thinking long and hard about something. I knew what was coming. In response to everything he was telling me, asking me to do, the things he was denying and saying no to… I vomited. I could hear him from inside the bathroom, "Becca, are you okay?" I came back out to his FaceTime, brushing my teeth. "Did you just vomit?" "My entire lunch…"
After more arguing and getting mad at each other, after begging for him not to do that to me again I heard one last thing from him, "I'm done with you, bye." After that moment, I was on an emotional roller coaster. I tried calling him back over and over again, but I looked at the clock, saw that it was three fifteen and I had to be in class. So as I was putting on my shoes, tears streamed down my face and I didn't know who else to call so I called Chloe. Unfortunately she didn't answer so I left her a very alarming voice mail, with what I'm assuming sounded like I was bawling, and my voice cracking quivering. All I remember saying is, "I didn't know who else to call, I just needed someone to talk to…"
After that Katie and Deshawn talked to me about it. Of course I went through the many stages, I was relieved that I was free. I pretended to laugh, I thought it was happy, but lost it during a beam routine and Katie had to remind me to finish my beam routine. In the meantime, there was a lot of drama that was going down in the gym that I didn't know existed until shortly after the break up.
I kept myself busy with my job, gymnastics, writing and doing homework. My job is what kept my mind off of things the most. It made me think about Tuesdays and how tired I would be at the end of the day. All I would think about is, "I can't wait to watch the new Pretty little liars episode…" that's what would get me through Tuesdays, and Saturdays when I would typically be begging Tyler to come visit me was also filled with work.
This job is right off campus, and through it I have made a really good friend whom I would not have met otherwise. With this job, I'm not always in the mood to do it when I get there, especially on Saturday mornings. It's an early job at that point, and I have to move all of the equipment to set up the "gymnastics center." However, the conversations with the kids, stretching with them, and running them is what wakes me up and eventually I'm in the mood to coach them, and still have fun.
I found the semester was going quickly, we even had a week break in the middle, which threw me for a loop. I had come home to the realization that I was not going to be hanging out with Tyler. I was not going to see his family. My nights were often sleepless, or when I did go to sleep I would wake up crying. I would have dreams about his sister telling me she couldn't wait to see me. I would have dreams of marrying him, which is something we both wanted. I would just wake up crying.
One Sunday I woke up with my mom and sister still in the room and tears just started rolling down my face. They asked what was wrong, and I couldn't even say… That week was taken getting rid of all the pain, guilt, and fear that had been swelling up inside of me for weeks. I attended celebrate recovery with my mom and Dad, which I found very refreshing. I spent Sunday mornings crying during church services. I was having a hard time grasping the fact that after all of this God still loved me. I felt like I had made a huge mistake believing this boy, thinking that it could have gone somewhere. The part that got me the worst was "I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that you have come now even if to write upon my heart to remind me of who you are."
When I heard that, I knew the lyrics already, but it just hit me. It was hard to grasp, and that's when I started crying. I had told myself that I wouldn't cry, but it was too late it was just like when I had woken up that morning. There was no stopping them, they just came, I don't even know where from… That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes to see Lauren Motsinger smiling at me.
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