For the longest time I have had the idea that I want to live a life of no regrets.
You know, when I'm old and grey, I don't want to look back on my life and think to myself, "I wish I would have done that differently."
But recently my living life of no regrets motto seemed to be turned upside-down with one simple thought. I almost regretted not doing something I thought I would regret if I did it….
Sound confusing, I'll explain.
Sex. For anyone who has grown up in a Christian home, in a Christian background, you would know that the world is taught that you save sex for "someone you love," but the bible says to save sex for marriage.
I have always gone by the bible, and what it says is best for my life. I tell my boyfriend to never have a condom on him, so even if we are tempted to "do the deed" we can't because we don't want to risk pregnancy.
To say that would put a little stress on our relationship would be an understatement!
So to be accountable for each other and not let a moment of weakness control our decisions, we don't make it a possibility. It sucks knowing we have to wait, but we just tell ourselves that it will be worth it when we are married. Even if that takes forever… hopefully time will fly.
So while we don't make sex an option, the world looks at us and asks why. I remember one time, one of my friends telling me, "I don't regret losing my virginity to him. I did love him and that's all that matters." I remember thinking to myself, "how could someone ever be happy with that? They gave that person everything just to not have them anymore. That's like buying a house with the last of your money, paying for it and then the last owner never giving you the keys…"
I'm sure that's not the way buying a house can legally go - school never teaches you those things - but that's what it would be like, and I didn't understand how someone could be okay with that kind of thinking.
Until a couple of weeks ago.
My problem in any type of relationship is I understand, I over understand sometimes and it leads me to forgiving people I probably shouldn't forgive. So when my relationship was on the line, and I was sure that it was over, that's when I understood why my friend was so okay with losing her virginity to someone she loves, even though she didn't have him anymore.
When I thought it was over for good this time, I looked at our relationship. He is the only person I have ever kissed willingly, he is the only person who has ever "turned me on," and he is also the only person in the world that has seen the "sexual" side of me, and that's good. I want it to stay that way.
My whole goal this time in the relationship was that with everything I do or say, I want it to show how much I love him. Sometimes I can't handle how much I love him, and the number one act the world uses to show that they love someone, I never did.
I started thinking that I could show him, by getting him a drink, or helping him with his chores. Staying on the phone with him when he drives home late at night just to keep him from falling asleep, but the ultimate act, other than dying for him, I never gave to him.
I wanted him to know that I love him, and I could never bring myself to show him. I hated that I felt that way. For a day I regretted not saying yes to sex.
That's how I got to this post today. I started thinking that if everyone lived their life with this am-I-going-to-regret-this-when-I-am-older attitude, where would it lead them?
After our relationship was fine, it took me a couple days to actually get my head on straight again. It's a good thing I am an hour away from him, because if we would have had the chance, I'm sure I might have slipped one of those nights.
Once I started thinking straight, I realized that it's not that I would have regretted having sex with Tyler. It's the fact that I had waited so many years knowing I had to save sex for marriage, just to give up before I got to the end. I wouldn't have regretted WHO it was with, I would have regretted giving up after so long.
It would have been like deciding that you are going to the olympics. So you train your whole life, spend hours upon hours in the gym, gymnastics is the only thing you know. Just to get to the Olympic Meet day and walk away, not looking back. You wouldn't regret the gymnastics, it made you strong and the person you are today, you would have regretted giving up when you were literally eight routines away from the podium.
Another thing I would have regretted was that he is not my husband… and after many conversations with people who have lost their virginity outside of marriage, I want to wait.
So I realized that while I am making decisions in my life, it is good to have that, "am I going to regret this" attitude, but you also can't live by the emotions you feel while you are making that decision. I wanted so desperately to show Tyler how much I love him, I would have done anything at that point to keep him, and I'm sure if I would have asked myself that question, "would I regret this?" I would have been struggling with the answer all night.
So if you are trying to make a big decision do a few things first.
1.) Ask yourself if you would regret what you are about to do. If you think answer is no, move on to number two.
2.) Take a few days… or hours… get rid of the emotions and let yourself think clearly about the situation.
3.) Talk to people who know you the best about the decision.
-A few days before Christmas, I sat down with my best friend's aunt and she reaffirmed that I would have regretted having sex before marriage. I don't know if she would have agreed with not regretting who, but regretting giving up, but she did agree that in the end I would regret something.
4.) Pray about it… maybe you don't believe in God. Even then, what does it hurt?
-A lot of times, I think that God knows I would make a stupid and irrational decision if he didn't help me out. I almost gave up a full ride to go to college with my cousin. I didn't end up getting into her college. At the time I was disappointed, but I think God was just looking out for me. Turns out, what would have been my only friend at Miami University, isn't even my friend anymore. She hasn't talked to me since July 12, 2013. Imagine how much it would suck had I made the wrong choice.
5.) Lastly, just get into the word. As in the bible. Look up what it has to say about it your decisions. Something as simple as sex is in there, but when it comes to college, it may not say, "don't go to Miami, you will lose your best friend…" but it might give you perspective on what is going on!
If you have all of these, then make your decision, but remember what I said about what I would have regretted. It's not that I would have regretted the sex, or who I had it with. I would have been disappointed in myself. So look at every single thing that you could possibly regret, any doubts and do those five things. I promise, you won't regret at least thinking about it for the time being!
Until Next Time!
-Bec
You know, when I'm old and grey, I don't want to look back on my life and think to myself, "I wish I would have done that differently."
But recently my living life of no regrets motto seemed to be turned upside-down with one simple thought. I almost regretted not doing something I thought I would regret if I did it….
Sound confusing, I'll explain.
Sex. For anyone who has grown up in a Christian home, in a Christian background, you would know that the world is taught that you save sex for "someone you love," but the bible says to save sex for marriage.
I have always gone by the bible, and what it says is best for my life. I tell my boyfriend to never have a condom on him, so even if we are tempted to "do the deed" we can't because we don't want to risk pregnancy.
To say that would put a little stress on our relationship would be an understatement!
So to be accountable for each other and not let a moment of weakness control our decisions, we don't make it a possibility. It sucks knowing we have to wait, but we just tell ourselves that it will be worth it when we are married. Even if that takes forever… hopefully time will fly.
So while we don't make sex an option, the world looks at us and asks why. I remember one time, one of my friends telling me, "I don't regret losing my virginity to him. I did love him and that's all that matters." I remember thinking to myself, "how could someone ever be happy with that? They gave that person everything just to not have them anymore. That's like buying a house with the last of your money, paying for it and then the last owner never giving you the keys…"
I'm sure that's not the way buying a house can legally go - school never teaches you those things - but that's what it would be like, and I didn't understand how someone could be okay with that kind of thinking.
Until a couple of weeks ago.
My problem in any type of relationship is I understand, I over understand sometimes and it leads me to forgiving people I probably shouldn't forgive. So when my relationship was on the line, and I was sure that it was over, that's when I understood why my friend was so okay with losing her virginity to someone she loves, even though she didn't have him anymore.
When I thought it was over for good this time, I looked at our relationship. He is the only person I have ever kissed willingly, he is the only person who has ever "turned me on," and he is also the only person in the world that has seen the "sexual" side of me, and that's good. I want it to stay that way.
My whole goal this time in the relationship was that with everything I do or say, I want it to show how much I love him. Sometimes I can't handle how much I love him, and the number one act the world uses to show that they love someone, I never did.
I started thinking that I could show him, by getting him a drink, or helping him with his chores. Staying on the phone with him when he drives home late at night just to keep him from falling asleep, but the ultimate act, other than dying for him, I never gave to him.
I wanted him to know that I love him, and I could never bring myself to show him. I hated that I felt that way. For a day I regretted not saying yes to sex.
That's how I got to this post today. I started thinking that if everyone lived their life with this am-I-going-to-regret-this-when-I-am-older attitude, where would it lead them?
After our relationship was fine, it took me a couple days to actually get my head on straight again. It's a good thing I am an hour away from him, because if we would have had the chance, I'm sure I might have slipped one of those nights.
Once I started thinking straight, I realized that it's not that I would have regretted having sex with Tyler. It's the fact that I had waited so many years knowing I had to save sex for marriage, just to give up before I got to the end. I wouldn't have regretted WHO it was with, I would have regretted giving up after so long.
It would have been like deciding that you are going to the olympics. So you train your whole life, spend hours upon hours in the gym, gymnastics is the only thing you know. Just to get to the Olympic Meet day and walk away, not looking back. You wouldn't regret the gymnastics, it made you strong and the person you are today, you would have regretted giving up when you were literally eight routines away from the podium.
Another thing I would have regretted was that he is not my husband… and after many conversations with people who have lost their virginity outside of marriage, I want to wait.
So I realized that while I am making decisions in my life, it is good to have that, "am I going to regret this" attitude, but you also can't live by the emotions you feel while you are making that decision. I wanted so desperately to show Tyler how much I love him, I would have done anything at that point to keep him, and I'm sure if I would have asked myself that question, "would I regret this?" I would have been struggling with the answer all night.
So if you are trying to make a big decision do a few things first.
1.) Ask yourself if you would regret what you are about to do. If you think answer is no, move on to number two.
2.) Take a few days… or hours… get rid of the emotions and let yourself think clearly about the situation.
3.) Talk to people who know you the best about the decision.
-A few days before Christmas, I sat down with my best friend's aunt and she reaffirmed that I would have regretted having sex before marriage. I don't know if she would have agreed with not regretting who, but regretting giving up, but she did agree that in the end I would regret something.
4.) Pray about it… maybe you don't believe in God. Even then, what does it hurt?
-A lot of times, I think that God knows I would make a stupid and irrational decision if he didn't help me out. I almost gave up a full ride to go to college with my cousin. I didn't end up getting into her college. At the time I was disappointed, but I think God was just looking out for me. Turns out, what would have been my only friend at Miami University, isn't even my friend anymore. She hasn't talked to me since July 12, 2013. Imagine how much it would suck had I made the wrong choice.
5.) Lastly, just get into the word. As in the bible. Look up what it has to say about it your decisions. Something as simple as sex is in there, but when it comes to college, it may not say, "don't go to Miami, you will lose your best friend…" but it might give you perspective on what is going on!
If you have all of these, then make your decision, but remember what I said about what I would have regretted. It's not that I would have regretted the sex, or who I had it with. I would have been disappointed in myself. So look at every single thing that you could possibly regret, any doubts and do those five things. I promise, you won't regret at least thinking about it for the time being!
Until Next Time!
-Bec
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